Character Countdown: The Real Housewives of Atlanta, Episode 9

After seeing all the tabloid reports about Kim's alleged lesbian fling months ago, Real Housewives of Atlanta viewers finally got to see the chemistry (or lack thereof) between the two when Tracy paid Kim a visit in this week's episode of the show. Personally, we've seen bigger sparks erupt from a wet pack of matches. No wonder it didn't last -- if it even happened at all.

Other relationships were off-kilter as well: NeNe and Cynthia's fiance Peter, who are normally chummy, let their personal stresses get the best of them, taking out their frustrations on each other. Kandi was a bit annoyed with Sheree after a contest gone wrong, and -- in perhaps the most entertaining moment of the night -- Phaedra's baby showed her who rules the roost.

Must have been a full moon that week.

On to the digits!

Kim Zolciak KIM (111)

-- Has her assistant take her dog outside to go "tee-tee" (-2)

-- Calls lesbian lover Tracy from her newly remodeled office. Glad to see she's using it for something because we've never actually seen her do any work (-1)

-- Kim surrounds herself with giant portraits of herself, and Bravo is subjecting us to them as well (-1)

-- Tracy visits to support Kim while she's recording her new single. Tracy has to be getting some ass from Kim, because otherwise, why would you volunteer to listen to her sing live? (+3)

-- Goes to see Jan, the vocal coach that skewered her last season. Kim's still not perfect but Jan says she's improving (+2)

-- Kim still sounds the same to us (-4)

-- Jan asks her if she knows what the word "pretentious" means, and we don't blame her. Kim is the same woman that spelled cat "k-a-t" (-2)

-- Kandi is hard on Kim when she goes in to record (-2), and she's totally justified (-2)

-- Says the reason she can't get one of the lines right is because she doesn't like singing the word "thing." Just when I thought she'd used every excuse in the book... (-1)

-- Brings Tracy to Kandi's drag racing event, but gets mad when anyone tries to talk to her. Sad to say, but if she doesn't want people in her business, she shouldn't have brought Tracy along (-1)

-- If they did hook up, it had to be some sort of drunken accident. Kim has flirted harder with gay men than she does with this woman (-2)

Net gain/loss: -13

Current total: 98

CynthiaCYNTHIA (116)

-- Peter is cooking and gets annoyed because Cynthia is on the phone with NeNe (-2)

-- He basically says it's OK when he takes business calls at home, but Cynthia should only talk to her friends when he's at work during the day. "When a man walks in the house, he wants your undivided attention." Um what? Did someone just change the channel to a Lifetime movie? (-4)

-- Cynthia is upset, because NeNe is struggling with her failing marriage and needs a friend (-2)

-- Once she's off the phone, he won't drop it. We really liked Peter, but now he's seeming kind of crazy-controlling (-3)

-- Apparently, he's stressed out about his restaurant, which is failing in the economy. That's fine, but get a grip dude. You're never going to get a supermodel again, so don't piss her off (-2)

-- Peter is testy, so when NeNe confronts him on the phone, he reads her the riot act before hanging up on her (-3)

-- Cynthia is upset that she'll lose NeNe as a friend after Peter's tantrum (-1)

Net gain/loss: -17

Current total: 99

NeNeNENE (90)

-- Gets a visit from friend Diana, who wants to drag her depressed ass out of bed (+3)

-- She's not wearing any makeup, and she looks naturally lovely (+4)

-- Tells friend about her fight with Gregg, and ends it by saying "I came to my (bed)room." Sooo, is there an "our room" in the house? (-2)

-- Is upset that Peter doesn't want Cynthia talking to her (-1)

-- During confessional, calls Cynthia a "puppet" who doesn't stand up for herself (+2)

-- Talks to Peter on the phone, and is gruff with him (-1)

-- He yells back at her, then says "whatever!" before hanging up on her (-3)

Net gain/loss: +2

Current total: 92

KandiKANDI (106)

-- Plans to drive her car in an amatuer drag race. Her driving training is that "I'm late every day, and I'm super fast at getting there." (+3)

-- Tells Kim she needs to come up with ideas for a stage performance since Kim will be opening for her. Seriously, all the connections Kandi has in the music industry and Kim is her opening act? (-3)

-- Has to listen while Kim records her "Ring Didn't Mean a Thing" track, and appears to do so without earplugs (-2)

-- Loses drag race to Sheree (-2), and apparently didn't even understand where the race actually ended (-2)

-- Is a sore loser and wants a rematch, but does she really think Sheree is going to risk losing her bragging rights? Riiiiight (-1)

Net gain/loss: -5

Current total: 101

ShereeSHEREE (98)

-- Visits her acting coach, who suggests she go read for a local play called "Child Support Man." Sheree: "I been rehearsing that play for years, it stars my ex-husband." (+2)

-- If she gets the acting gig, she has to do it for free (-3)

-- She says, "I'm a grown-ass woman with grown-ass bills to pay." Then, how about you get a grown-ass real job? (-3)

-- Goes to read lines for an agency to seek representation (+2)

-- There's a room full of people when she was only expecting one or two (-2)

-- When asked about her acting experience, replies that she's done two plays (+3), but cannot remember the name of one of them (-2)

-- Her reading sounds stilted and artificial, but as Kim has proven, you don't have to be talented to eventually make money at yoru "craft" (-1)

Net gain/loss: -4

Current total: 94

PhaedraPHAEDRA (57)

-- Got husband a framed photo of him sleeping with baby. For someone who favors material items over sentiment, this is surprising and endearing (+2)

-- Oh wait, she also gets him a limited-edition watch that looks really expensive. That's the Phaedra we all know and, uh, love (+3)

-- Goes into kiss Apollo and he tries to lick her (-2)

-- Is having portraits taken with the new baby, and -- Oh God -- it's the same photog from that gross pickle pregnancy shoot earlier this season (-2)

-- Son Ayden has the same infant papazan chair as my son, and it makes me realize how fast they grow (+2)

-- Are they really stretching that poor, naked baby out sideways for a pic? It could not look any more awkward (-2)

-- Pheadra is cuddling Ayden close to her for a photo and he shoot liquified poop all over. Hey, when babies are naked that happens. But it's funny when it's not happening to you (-5)

-- Somehow, the poo only gets her hand and the floor. Not one drop gets on her white blouse. That's one talented baby, for real! (+3)

Net gain/loss: -1

Current total: 56

CURRENT TOTALS:

Kandi: 101

Cynthia: 99

Kim: 98

Sheree: 94

NeNe: 92

Phaedra: 56