Character Countdown: The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Episode 9

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills may have obscene amounts of money, but at least two of them use their powers for good. In Thursday's episode, Kyle particpated in a 69-mile bike ride to raise money for cancer, in honor of several family members she lost to the disease. And on the advice of her coach, she even lightened her load a bit to make the trek more smooth.

Taylor, meanwhile, volunteers with a domestic violence shelter, and we learn it's because she lived in an abusive household as a child. Pretty heavy stuff.

But not to worry -- the other wives are always good for lightening the mood. Single housewife Kim picked up a guy at the grocery after they fought over the last packages of chicken; Adrienne wore the most horrifying ensemble we've ever seen; Lisa practiced her driving in hopes of earning an American driver's license; and Camille decided to invite the ladies over for dinner, paving the way for next week's explosive fight-packed dinner episode.

Will tables be thrown, a la Teresa Giudice? Only time will tell!

Kyle Richards KYLE (111)

-- Is training for a 69-mile bike ride for charity, even though the most bike riding she's ever done is around the block with her kids (+3)

-- Her coach tells her she needs an "extreme bikini wax" to cut down on friction. Have you ever heard of such a thing? (-2)

-- Has the waxers come to her house (+3), and Bravo is on hand to capture it. Gee, thanks! (-1)

-- Lets her 14-year-old daughter watch (-5), and she laughs hysterically the entire time (-4)

-- Loses a babysitter and housekeeper, so considers taking all four kids on a trip that's supposed to be a romantic getaway for she and her husband (-4)

-- Feels guilty leaving the kids. We can understand that feeling, and it sucks (-3)

-- Winds up going minus kiddos (+3), and while at dinner says she wants another baby. Just what he wants to hear, I'm sure! (-2)

-- He thinks four kids is enough, but promises her that if they have one more, he will cut his weiner off afterward. This dinner gets more romantic by the minute (-3)

-- Kyle and Mauricio start their bike ride at the front of the pack, likely for the cameras, which is ridiculous because they almost get mowed over by the real athletes (-4)

-- 44 miles into the race (!), Kyle rides straight uphill for five miles and we have never respected her more. Anyone that can do that can handle five kids AND a husband with no wiener (+5)

-- They complete the race in 5 hours 15 and then ride their bikes back to their hotel. Now, it's bordering on crazy (-1)

-- Collapses on hotel floor like a bowl of Jell-O, and she totally deserves it (+5)

Net gain/loss: -10

Current total: 101

Kim Richards KIM (84)

-- Didn't call Martin after he drove her home from the dinner party, and everyone is on her case about it (-2)

-- She likes him, but feels like the man should call the woman. Perhaps she knows that's probably not gonna happen, so saves herself the embarrassment (+1)

-- Kim's daughters have friends over for a barbecue. When Kim went to buy supplies, she fought with, and then flirted with, a guy -- "Single Gary" -- over chicken and gives him her number (+3)

-- Keeps saying "chick-en" over and over and it's giving us the creeps (-3)

-- Says she can get her own dates and doesn't need to be set up, but she's the one that asked all the girls to find her a dude (-2)

-- Daughter gets on the phone with Single Gary and invites him over. Good, because we want to see the kind of dude Kim picks up in the butcher department (+2)

-- He shows up with his granddaughter in tow (-1)

-- Kim pretends she has eight kids, and is still nursing the youngest one. Disappears into corner to pretend-nurse the baby, who belongs to someone else at the BBQ. "That is my sense of humor" Does anyone wonder why she's single now? (-8)

-- Single Gary blazes the hell up outta there (-2)

Net gain/loss: -12

Current total: 72

Taylor Armstrong TAYLOR (2)

-- Trains with Adrienne's kickboxing coach and throws some pretty good punches for an amateur (+2)

-- Is a regular volunteer at the crisis center, a safe house for women and children of domestic violence. Nice to see someone doing something for someone else on this show (+6)

-- Is helping with a celebrity poker tournament fundraiser (+2)

-- Speaks at the event, sharing her story about growing up in an abusive household (-5)

-- Tears up everytime she tries to talk about her experience, whether she's alone in the confessional or speaking in front of the group. It makes us feel sad (-3)

Net gain/loss: +2

Current total: 4

Camille Grammer CAMILLE (70)

-- Carries a salad, likely made by one of her many servants, to the kitchen table for a dinner party with friends. It's probably the most effort she's exerted at home for years (+2)

-- Brings up her and Kyle's fight again ("I like to forigve and forget," then, "I don't think I've ever had anyone treat me as poorly as Kyle has"). Allegedly wants to make up (+1)

-- Decides to invite all the ladies over for dinner. We're giving her points for being brave, but we'd like to note that it seems like a really bad idea (+3)

-- We're almost certain it's because she needs to update her "poor me" story database (-1)

-- Goes for a run on the beach with several friends (+2)

-- She says Kelsey called to say he wants to live in New York full-time. Phase one of Operation Dump Camille has been initiated. What's worse is that at this point, she doesn't have a clue (-3)

Net gain/loss: +4

Current total: 74

Lisa Vanderpump LISA (125)

-- Is upset because Kim didn't call Martin after she set them up (-1)

-- Needs to get her American driver's license, so practices driving with her houseguest, Cedric (+2)

-- Stops in the parking lot to powder her nose. Experts know you can parallel park much better if your skin tone looks even (-1)

-- She and Cedric can't remember the name of a three point turn. They call it the 3.2 point turn (-3)

-- Thinks Cedric will be closer to moving out of her house if he gets his driver's license (+4)

-- Will miss him, because her husband is too busy coddling lap dogs all the time to play with her (-2)

-- Compared to the insulated Beverly Hills, says she has culture shock going to the DMV. That's one way to put it (-2)

--Is slightly harrassed by a guy sitting in the waiting room, but we suspect he just wanted to get on TV (-1)

-- She passes written test; Cedric fails. Looks like the third wheel is still in the house (-4)

Net gain/loss: -8

Current total: 117

Adrienne Maloof ADRIENNE (133)

-- Works out with champion kickboxer, who comes to her sprawling home to train her (+5)

-- Goes to Taylor's fundraiser wearing the most horrific get-up we've ever seen a Real Housewife wear: a robin's egg blue cowboy hat with a matching blouse, which was encrusted in sparkles, plus her glittery hair extensions and her typical 20 pounds of makeup. My eyes hurt for 20 minutes after seeing this (-10)

-- Has only played poker a handful of times, even though she owns a casino (-2)

-- Still manages to clean up at the charity event. The rich always get richer! (+3)

Net gain/loss: -4

Current total: 129


Adrienne: 129

Lisa: 117

Kyle: 101

Kim: 77

Camille: 74

Taylor: 4