Character Countdown: Real Housewives of Atlanta Episode 7

Kim would be ashamed of us, but better late to the party than never. The Real Housewives of Atlanta are turning in a stellar, drama-filled season and we're about ready to start officially keeping track.

The Housewives have gotten a fresh start since the show moved to Sunday nights, so from here on out, the ladies will vie for points in our Character Countdown. Each woman starts with 100, losing and earning points for choices they make or things that happen to them.

Good thing for Phaedra that we're starting late, because she'd already be -300 for that ridiculous baby shower she threw a couple of weeks ago.

And they're off!


SHEREE (100)

-- Buys an Aston Martin as "reward" to herself. Must be nice. My rewards to myself usually involve a vanilla latte from Starbucks or a pedicure (+8)

-- Got driving gloves to go with new car. Who here is surprised? (+2)

-- Is a contestant in "Dancing with the Atlanta Stars" contest (+3), after admitting she is the world's worst dancer (-1)

-- Goes to dancing practice, and could give Kate Gosselin a run for her money (-4)

-- When a pro dancer comes in to show her proper posture and dance moves, she is insulted because she thinks she's already got it down pat (-1)

-- Still has a better chance of winning this than Kim does winning at karaoke night (+2)

-- Didn't bring dress to dress rehearsal, and hasn't had time to try on her dancing shoes because she's busy being a mother and actress. Even though her kids are either grown or in school, and we haven't seen her score one acting gig yet (-1)

-- When she arrives at the dance contest, she has to instruct the valet to open the door for her. Doesn't he know she's a STAR? (-1)

-- She brings her own hair and makeup people instead of using theirs. It could be a three-way tie between Sheree, Cynthia and Phaedra for vanity this week (-3)

-- Gets kicked out of the room where she's getting ready and must change in public restroom. I think she expected this charity event to be like the real Dancing With the Stars (-3)

-- Her dress is atrocious, and makes the DWtS outfits seem like something you'd wear to the office (-6)

-- Paid $1500 for her friends to attend event, and gets $20 donations from each of them (-4)

-- Emcee pronounces her name wrong (-2)

-- The other wives are unimpressed with her dance (-3), but the judges give her all 9s. Her friends may not have been feeling charitable, but the judges certainly were because, her dance was -- as Charles Barkley says -- tuuuurrible (+5)

Net gain/loss: -9

Current total: 91



-- Arrives home to find rose petals, candles and a gaggle of friends on hand to witness her engagement (+2)

-- The first words out of her mouth: "I took my eyelashes off in the car!" (-1)

-- When Peter starts to propose, she backs away saying, "It can't happen like this, without my lashes!" I know's a model and all, but give me a break (-3)

-- Peter puts the ring on the wrong hand. He probably should have researched that (-2)

-- Is unhappy with how it went down; had hoped for a more intimate, romantic proposal (-1)

-- But is pleased with the rock, and presumably moves it to the left hand at some point (+5)

-- Will not buy her dress off the rack because it's "fashion suicide," but goes to dress shop with mom and sister to get ideas (+2)

-- Of course, she looks good in everything. She's a model! (+3)

-- Talks with mom and sis about her commitment issues. Is afraid of feeling "stuck" in a marriage. Apparently, she hasn't heard of a little legal procedure we call divorce (-2)

-- We find out she's afraid of marriage partially due to her step-father, who was an alcoholic abuser (-3)

-- Goes to Sheree's event, and looks right at home with Peter. Ring is on proper hand (+2)

Net gain/loss: +2

Current total: 102



-- Gets ready to go to the hospital, and decides to pack her own bag before the baby's. We'll honestly be surprised if she even remembers the baby's bag at all (-2)

-- Has had a special, lacy nursing bra and nightie designed for her. (+3) We predict her nursing will last about three sessions until she realizes breastfeeding is time-consuming and will not leave any time for herself (-2)

-- Her hospital gear appears to include a thong, which is exactly the kind of underwear you feel like wearing after giving birth (-3)

-- Her friend asks her if she's thought about what kind of formula she'll use if she needs to supplement. After that and a few other questions, it's apparent that the girls on MTV's 16 & Pregnant know more about babies than Phaedra (-6)

-- Looks flabbergasted when friend suggests that she might actually have to look after the baby in the hospital (-4)

-- She says she'll have her friend research formula and "penis ointment," so that "I can spend my time buying cute clothes for my baby and spoiling myself." Normally, I'd say she's heading for a rude awakening, but she'll probably hire someone to handle all the "inconvenient" parts of parenting (-5)

-- Says something crazy about taping a 50-cent piece over the baby's healing umbilical cord. What the hell is she talking about? Man, I hope she finds that nanny soon (-4)

Net gain/loss: -23

Current total: 77

Kim Zolciak

KIM (100)

-- Got her office redone using real gold leaf furniture and red velvet. It's totally ostentacious, and totally Kim (+3)

-- Also spends $60K to redo her 11-year-old daughter's room. Don't most people just paint the walls and get a new Bed-in-a-Bag set from Target? She's 11! (-3)

-- Older daughter, 13, is upset because she now wants a redesign in her 2,000 square foot room. Oh cry me a river, kid. Your room is bigger than my whole house right now (-2)

-- At Sheree's event, is gawking at another contestant who plays for the Atlanta Falcons. Dubs him "tight ass" (+3)

-- Afterwards, meets him, flirts with him, and they exchange digits (+5)

Net gain/loss: +6

Current total: 106


KANDI (100)

-- Finds out Kim has been telling people she doesn't like the new song. Because Kim knows lots more than Grammy-award winning Kandi, right? (-3)

-- Is getting satisfaction working with Lawrence (who is also Sheree's hair stylist) as a new artist. Between his styling and his singing voice, Lawrence has more talent than most of the Atlanta Housewives put together (+4)

-- Wants to donate way more money at Sheree's dancing event (+3), but the table demands that everyone only give $20. Kandi is disgusted and so are we. Cheapskates!

Net gain/loss: +4

Current total: 104


NENE (100)

-- Goes over to Cynthia's house to help her sister set up for Peter's surprise proposal (+2)

-- Attends Sheree's dance event with Gregg, and they could not look any more miserable together (-3)

-- Seems to have a little crush on Cynthia's fiance. Not in an "I'm gonna steal your man" way, but in a "I'm ready to get me a new man" way (+2)

Net gain/loss: +1

Current total: 101


Kim: 106

Kandi: 104

Nene: 102

Cynthia: 102

Sheree: 91

Phaedra: 77