With all the musical montage-packed romantic comedies and all the apps sucking up cell phone space, why isn't there a montage app? Or some other high-tech tool that would insert musical montages into your life, a la 500 Days of Summer?
You might ask, when would I need a musical montage? Well, since we thought you might, here are some everyday situations where musical montages could come in handy.
Breaking up is not so hard to do
Whether they're a cheating louse or you simply can't stand how cow-like they chew, breaking up with that no-longer-so-special someone is a lot less hard to do with a musical montage.
Suggested soundtracks: Confront your two-timer with clips of him snogging that tramp in Walmart to the tune of "Hit the Road Jack" or demonstrate your superiority with Black Sheep's "The Choice Is Yours." Are you a remorseless cheater? You won't be misunderstood with Britney Spears' "Oops! I Did it Again."
Take this job and...
Want to tell your employer to take their cubicle cage, lousy salary, and thankless job and shove it? Maybe you'd rather tell your office-supply-stealing, slacker secretary to take a hike. Or perhaps you're due a raise and prefer to illustrate your worthiness in a peppy, cinematic way.
Suggested soundtracks: Johnny Paycheck's "Take This Job and Shove It" never loses its sincere screw-the-man sincerity, especially if you pair it with footage of you eating hot pockets in your crummy studio apartment or getting lectured by your blowhard boss and then spitting into the latte he made you trek 10 blocks to get. For the inept employee may we suggest Beck's "Loser" coupled with shots of the schmo spilling soup on your presentation or updating their Facebook page instead of scheduling that crucial client meeting.
Meth, booze, kitten hoarding, shoes, tweeting ... whatever your friend or loved one's (or annoying neighbor's) intervention-deserving addiction, a montage should help them face their flaw.
Suggested soundtracks: How about a slo-mo of your cousin beer-belly dancing on the bar or wasting away on the grimy bathroom tile of Las Margaritas accompanied by Jimmy Buffet's "Margaritaville"? Or pictures of pals yawning whilst reading your "I'm drinking a diet Coke" tweet while other friends sing "You Tweet Too Much" (their lyrically updated 2.0 version of Run DMC's "You Talk Too Much"). Remake Liam Kyle Sullivan's viral smash "Shoes" for that footwear fanatic.
Drunk dialing and other intoxicated infractions
Did booze cause you to make a social boo-boo? Did you drunk dial your ex? Drunk text your fiancées father?
Suggested song: 'Splain yourself with Jamie Foxx's "Blame It (On the Alcohol)." Though that might only make your victims more mad...
Why won't your co-worker shower -- ever? What does the obviously-not-homeless man that rides your bus every morning have against deodorant? What's wrong with your roommate's funky feet?
Suggested soundtrack: If it's your nose that's most offended, you can't go wrong with "Ooh That Smell" by Lynyrd Skynyrd.
Marriage proposals & more
Marriage proposals, funerals ... we've only mentioned a few of the many applications for musical montages in real life -- and the songs you could score them with. We're sure you have suggestions for other montage-worthy situations and songs, and we'd love to hear them.