You know, we've been guilty of ridiculing Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino for wearing his sunglasses inside at night.
But as a contestant on Dancing With the Stars, it seems the Jersey Shore star has found the perfect place to wear his darkened spectacles. If there's any place a person needs their shades after 8 p.m., it's watching the cornea-shattering array of costumes that light up the dance floor each week.
With the season well under way, there have already been plenty of ensembles worth admiration and/or cringes. Only one person can take home the mirror ball trophy, but several can claim our special fashion awards:
MOST ANGELIC: Bristol Palin
While much of America sees Palin as kind of a fallen angel/teen mother, DWtS brought out her innocent side during the fox trot. In a gorgeous white gown with tasteful detailing, simple makeup and a side chignon, she looked she was ready for the senior prom. For a few moments, we forgot that she actually a young girl shrouded in controversy because of her mother's politics and her lapse in birth control. We're rooting for you, Bristol!
PLEATHER NIGHTMARE: David Hasselhoff
Dear America, Never have we been so encouraged by your taste and intelligence than when you voted off The Hoff during week one. As it is, we've already had some traumatic flashbacks to his "Sex Bomb" cha-cha-cha, during which he wore a bulky pleather jacket with a high collar and sequins. And the outfit only got worse when he stripped off the jacket to reveal a skin-tight sequined shirt. That, plus his gross sex faces during the dance, made us happy that we'd only have to see him dance once.
BEST CLEAN-UP: The Situation
Before Mike Sorrentino joined the cast of DWtS, we couldn't have imagined him in anything but a bare stomach, a wifebeater tank or some skin-tight, brightly-colored, graphic print t-shirt. So when he strutted out in an all-black black, military-inspired suit during week two for his quick step routine, we were like, "Whoa! We've got a situation on our hands -- The Situation looks like ... a gentleman!" Especially when worn with the humble pie he was forced to exude after yet another clumsy dance.
For once, we were able to see what all the fuss was about -- until we watched Jersey Shore the following Thursday. Then we were back to being grossed out.
LESS IS MORE: Jennifer Grey
Not only did the Dirty Dancing star earn the highest marks in week one, she also hit the costume jackpot. In a simple flowy, gray gown with just enough sequin sparkle, this is a dress that could actually be worn again, to a black-tie event or swanky New Year's soiree.
WORST ANIMAL PRINT: Michael Bolton
Honestly, Margaret Cho's flourescent-tassel-trimmed zebra print was just as tacky as Michael Bolton's Dalmatian-print jacket during jive week. But the fact that Bolton also had to crawl out of a dog house wearing said fashion monstrosity gives him the undisputed advantage in this category. The fact that he got skewered by judges, then booted the next night is just salt in the wound.
BEST TOLERATION OF CHOKERS: Audrina Patridge
The minute Audrina emerged for her quick step in week two, we had flashbacks to a similar outfit Melissa Rycroft was saddled with during her stint on the show: A midriff-baring, sequined, fishnet-inspired top hung from a thick, gaudy blue sparkly choker. Audrina's yellow, fringed, week one bra top was also based on a hulking, bejeweled choker.
We are amazed that she has been able to turn in such graceful, apt performances while wearing seemingly uncomfortable and constricting neck pieces. (Although she did tolerate Justin Bobby for all that time, which is sort of like an albatross...)
SWISS MISS: Florence Henderson
And by 'miss,' we don't mean a young girl. We mean someone swung at a target and missed it by a mile.
Inspired by The Sound of Music, this costume had so much potential. We could have even lived with the white sparkly shirt and forest green, faux-lace-up vest. But the silken skirt was such a nauseating green color, it just took over the whole look. What this outfit needed was a bottom that complemented the top half, not competed with it.
BEST HALLOWEEN COSTUME: Brandy
It isn't Halloween unless you run into one adult dressed as a naughty school girl, and Brandy's jive outfit from week two fits that bill perfectly. From the plaid miniskirt to the thigh-high stockings to the girlish ponytails, everything was accounted for ... except the perverts.
PLEATHER NIGHTMARE 2.0: The Situation
Any time costume designers employ pleather, the results aren't usually pretty. To their credit, they did highlight The Situation's best physical assets. However, their mode for doing so only reminded us of his vulgar, oversexed Jersey Shore persona. With pleather trim; studded, pleather shoulder pad thingies; a zippered front and see-through base, we felt dirty -- as though we'd just stayed overnight in the smoosh room.
Luckily, we have DVR so we could hop in the shower before finishing the show.