Character Countdown: Jersey Shore, Episode 12

The Situation has had a rough week on TV.

Tuesday night, he was the latest celeb booted from Dancing With the Stars. And in Thursday's episode of Jersey Shore, he was kicked out of a nightclub; got his car towed; was rejected by not one, but two women in bed; and his cooking caused the Miami Fire Department to come calling on the casa de la twits.

For that matter, none of the Shoreans had a great week. Snooki was down in the dumps after her best friend returned home; Sammi and Ronnie were fighting again; J-Woww nearly violated indecent exposure laws with her outfit; and Pauly D went smoosh-less because of Mike's missteps.

The lone exception to this very bad week was Vinny, who not only still has his go-go dancing hottie Ramona on the hook, but got her to stay the night. Twice. You know that's gotta be messing with Mike, too.

While it's not hard to be a shining star in this galaxy of ineptitude, Vinny seems to be the only one that isn't a complete cretin.

Next week: The group takes a road trip for the season finale!

Now, for the calculation situation:

Mike SorrentinoTHE SITUATION (38)

-- Goes into Snooki's bed to apologize to her (+2), and is inexplicably holding a wad of cash. For a guy that's said to be making five million this year, we kind of expect him to have more than $24 (-1)

-- At the club, picks a fight with a guy my one-year-old son could beat up (-3)

-- Gets the group kicked out of said club. Guess that's one way to get everyone to leave at the same time (-4)

-- Luckily, Pauly scored them a few chicks to bring home (+3)

-- Turns out that Mike's girl has only slept with one guy, and the Sitch wasn't going to be her second. Rejected! (-5)

-- Kicks girl out of his bedroom, which results in Pauly's girl making her exit as well (-2)

-- We also just noticed he has about 20 t-shirts tossed over his bed frame. I wonder if he treated his Dancing With the Stars costumes with the same blatant disregard (-4)

-- When he tells Jenni about the previous night's encounter, he lies and says he kicked the girl to the curb because she was a grenade (-3)

-- Cooks another awesome meal for the house, which includes filet mignon, chicken parmesan, pasta and more. Cooking feasts is one of his few redeeming qualities (+5)

-- Rinses a hot pan under water and sets off fire alarm. Fire department arrives to check things out (-3)

-- Parks where ever he wants to; ends up getting car towed within ten minutes of leaving it (-2)

-- Must fork over $175 to get the car back (-4)

-- With Pauly D, brings home a couple of blonde Canadians from bar (+2)

-- In anticipation of getting action, sprays his nether regions with after shave. Or is it Lysol? (-4)

-- Gets refused again by Canadian, and his jackassery about it causes Pauly's girl to take off as well. Pauly calls him a terrible wing-man, but not to his face (-5)

Net gain/loss: -28

Current total: 10

Nicole PolizziSNOOKI (35)

-- Mike apologizes for their altercation in the club by climbing in bed with her the next morning and mauling her with kisses (-5)

-- Snooki's best friend, Ryder, leaves to go back home and she's depressed (-3)

-- Cries wearing five pounds of make-up, yet none of it runs (+2)

-- Vinny comforts her, and she feels better (+1)

-- Then she says... "He's like my big brother, I love him. But you usually don't have sex with your big brother." Unless you're Snooki, then anyone's fair game (-5)

-- Is excited to go to bar that will have "guido juicehead gorilla sexy tan sweaty boys" (+2)

-- The group gets kicked out of the bar before Snooki can sink her talons into any juiceheads (-1)

Net gain/loss: -9

Current total: 26

Paul DelVecchioPAULY D (120)

-- Has woman that is ready for sex in his bed, but Mike ruins it for him (-5)

-- When girl asks him about his rosary, he says it's just for fashion. As Tupac would have said, only God can judge him... but luckily, we're still in charge of the points (-2)

-- Meets up with Rocio at beach the day after his foiled attempt at random sex (+2)

-- His potential sexcapade with a top-heavy Canadian are partially defeated due to Mike's crappy wing-man skills (-4)

Net gain/loss: -9

Current total: 111

Vinny GuadagninoVINNY (146)

-- Vinny's hottie, Ramona, comes home with him from the club and stays the night (+2)

-- Based on the footage we see, it's safe to assume Vinny got some action (+3)

-- Is the only person in the house to get laid in this episode (+2)

Net gain/loss: +7

Current total: 153

Jenni FarleyJ-WOWW (49)

-- Jenni's flourescent pink earrings are as big as hula hoops and we hate their ugly guts (-3)

-- Her club attire consists of a fishnet half-shirt with pasties, a fishnet micromini skirt, those stupid earrings, and a pair of black high top sneakers (-4)

-- At least she's wearing underwear (+2)

-- Creates a flow chart for house hook-ups, and comes to realize that, using one degree of separation, all the housemates have (at the very least) made out with each other. That should earn them a lifetime supply of Orbit gum, right? Because those are the dirtiest mouths I can imagine (-5)

Net gain/loss: -10

Current total: 39

Ronnie Ortiz-MagroRONNIE (2)

-- Goes to beach and when he sees Pauly, hops on his back and dry humps him (-5)

-- When other guys discuss their preference for exotic looking women, Ron jokes to Sammi that she looks a little bit Asian, which he likes. Ronnie's ex was Asian, so he's back in the doghouse with Sammi. (We had such high hopes for Ronnie to finish the season in the positive numbers, but we're no longer that optimistic) (-3)

Net gain/loss: -8

Current total: (-6)

Sammi GiancolaSAMMI (-19)

-- Overreacts to Ronnie's 'Asian' comment (-3)

-- Turns it into a huge, blown-out fight. Have you ever noticed that Sammi is barely a part of the show unless she's whining about or fighting with Ron? (-2)

-- Retires to her bedroom to sulk. What. A. Surprise (-1)

Net gain/loss: -6

Current total: (-25)


Vinny: 153

Pauly D: 111

J-Woww: 39

Snooki: 26

The Situation: 10

Ronnie: (-6)

Angelina: (-16) (left in week 10)

Sammi: (-25)