When it comes to the long-rumored Arrested Development feature film, it seems like making wish lists of plots, characters, or recurring jokes we'd like to see is asking too much. At this point, after so many teases and false starts, it would be enough of a dream come true just to get a confirmation that the film is even going to happen. Besides, creator Mitch Hurwitz has probably been so overwhelmed with these types of requests, the movie would need to be 10 hours long to please everyone. So instead of begging Hurwitz to include our favorites, we thought it would be more helpful to give him some advice on who and what to leave out. Here are the top five things we don't want to see in the Arrested Development movie:
5. Michael Bluth (Jason Bateman) reuniting with Rita (Charlize Theron)
Arrested Development excelled in getting A-list guest stars to take on delightfully absurd roles. However, Oscar winner Theron's five-episode arc as a British MRF who becomes involved with Michael was the one storyline that went a little too far in its weirdness. If there is room in the budget to bring back any former love interests of the Bluth men, we'd much rather see the return of Judy Greer, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Mae Whitman, or Liza Minnelli.
4. Lindsay (Portia de Rossi) hooking up with Bob Loblow (Scott Baio)
Since his stint as the lawyer Lindsay failed to woo, Baio has done nothing but annoy us with an incessant string of VH1 reality shows. Therefore, he is unworthy of the career boost an appearance in the movie would give him.
3. Buster (Tony Hale) all in one piece
When we last saw the youngest Bluth brother, he was about to face off again with his nemesis, the hand-stealing seal. Seeing as how Buster became funnier once he lost one hand to that nefarious sea mammal, it seems mathematically probable that the fewer limbs Buster has to work with, the more laughs he'll be able to draw out of us.
2. Michael Cera returning as George Michael Bluth
It's not that we don't have any affection for Michael Bluth's sweet, awkward, cousin-loving son. It's just that Cera has gone on to play so many similar characters in his post-Arrested Development career; George Michael might not feel like such a fresh creation anymore. Our proposed solution: recast the role with Cera's Hollywood doppelganger, Jesse Eisenberg, and have the other characters notice that there's something just slightly different about George Michael. It's just the kind of inside joke Arrested Development fans would eat up, anyway.
Arrested Development was always bold in its commitment to portraying the Bluth family as hilariously unlovable. We'd hate for them to suddenly turn mushy on us or start learning any valuable life lessons now, unless of course it's another lesson about the danger of teaching lessons.