Character Countdown: The Real Housewives of New Jersey, Episode 13

As Real Housewife of New Jersey Teresa planned yet another flamboyant party -- this time, a christening for her new baby, Audriana -- she hinted at the idea that the bankruptcy petition had been filed.

She talked about how husband Joe was staying on top of her spending habits, and implied that the family were cutting back on expenses. Now, most people’s idea of tightening the purse strings means clipping coupons or not eating out at restaurants as often. But for Teresa, it means inviting 200 people to a totally unneccesary party instead of 400.

In other action, Dina is back to attend the christening; and Danielle took her 16-year-old daughter for her first gyno appointment and proceeded to make me feel totally uncomfortable, so we can only imagine how poor Christine felt. Jacqueline got an earful about Danielle from Kim G., and Caroline continued to put everything in perspective for viewers.

On to the numbers! (Sorry, we forgot our rhinestone-studded score cards at home.)

Annie Wersching TERESA (96)

-- Is planning “My big, fat, Italian Christening” for Audriana (+2)

-- Complains that her husband is making her be more frugal, but still wants the christening to be a 200-person event, complete with a cocktail hour (!), sit down dinner, ice sculptures, a photographer and videographer. So, where’s the cutback? Oh, right. No limo! (-5)

-- Wears a skin tight, sequined and bejeweled dress. That’s what I’d be inclined to wear to a baby’s christening, all right (-3)

-- However, her daughters look absolutely angelic. Pretty, pretty princesses (+4)

-- Husband gets snappish after Teresa slathers him with face lotion and forces him to pose for tons of photos. But it really doesn't seem that different from his normal behavior to us, except that he was wearing a shirt this time (-2)

-- Baby Audriana has a Swarovski crystal-encrusted pacifier. We expect nothing less from Teresa (+2)

-- Husband Joe leaves the event early because he doesn’t want to see the bill (-4)

Net gain/loss: -6

Current total: 90

Annie Wersching DINA (95)

-- Is back for one episode because as Audriana’s godmother, she obviously has to attend christening (+3)

-- Buys the baby her first pair of Gucci shoes. I am 37, and still waiting for someone to buy me mine (+2)

-- Helps Teresa plan the party, and goes all out with decor and cake (+1)

-- Brings good vibes to the show, and the other wives are all delighted they are together again (+2)

Net gain/loss: +8

Current total: 103

Annie Wersching

DANIELLE (-132)

-- She and daughter Christine have matching Burberry rainboots (+3)

-- Unfortunately, those boots are made for walkin’ ... into the gynecologist’s office, for the most uncomfortable appointment EVER for daughter Christine (-3)

-- Grills Christine about boyfriends, in front of receptionist and all of America (-2)

-- Says, “You ARE a good girl. Please tell me you’re a goody two shoes,” implying that her daughter is a hooch if she’s sexually active. Yeah, that approach will get you a straight answer, Danielle (-1)

-- There’s no physical exam today, just a conversation. Christine looks like she’d rather contract the clap than be having this discussion with an aging male doctor and her mother (-2)

-- Talks to Kim G. about finding her birth mother, who is probably hiding under a rock in South Dakota, hoping Danielle can’t locate her (-1)

-- Finds out, in the middle of dinner with her daughters, that Kim G is running her mouth and telling her enemies about her search (-1)

-- Hops up from family dinner to go outside and call Greasy Danny and talk to him about it. Because that really couldn't have waited (-8)

-- Danny gives Danielle a ride to meet Kim G for lunch. Does she really need a bodyguard everywhere? (-2)

-- In a deja vu moment that hearkens back to her lunch with Dina, she makes a huge scene in a restaurant with Kim. Kim throws a napkin at her, unleashing a string of vulgarities that would make Greasy Danny blush. The entire restaurant stares (-4)

-- Gets chased out to her car by Kim G, who is still swearing (-2)

-- Half of the restaurant follows this mega-scene outside and we are so ashamed we actually watch, and enjoy, this show (-5)

Net gain/loss: -28

Current total: -160

Annie Wersching CAROLINE (163)

-- Kim G tries to set up lunch with Caroline through their sons, who are best friends, but Caroline sticks to her guns. She wants to avoid Danielle, and we agree: one degree of separation isn’t enough (+4)

-- Attends Teresa’s christening party at The Brownstone, which her son oversaw, and several times comments on how it’s more like a wedding than a religious event for a baby (+1)

-- Knows how to stand out using bold colors that compliment her hair color, and tasteful accessories. She’s probably the one woman that doesn’t subscribe to the “wear one of everything, then add something else” fashion sense of other New Jersey reality stars (+5)

-- Remains the most likable person on the show, and probably the most normal Housewife of them all. That means she doesn’t get a lot of air time... but she does get points from us! (+5)

Net gain/loss: +15

Current total: 178

Annie Wersching JACQUELINE (63)

-- She and Baby Nick get bombarded by Kim G, who barges in spewing curse words about Danielle. If little Nick’s first word has four letters and begins with ‘f,’ we’re pretty sure he learned it that day (-3)

Net gain/loss: -3

Current total: 60

CURRENT STANDINGS:

Caroline: 178

Dina: 103

Teresa: 90

Jacqueline: 60

Danielle: (-160)