Character Countdown: The Real Housewives Of New Jersey Episode Two

We admit: We were pretty excited tune into the second season of The Real Housewives of New Jersey last week.

After the explosive season finale -- during which Teresa channeled the Incredible Hulk and hurled a dinner table across the room, and Caroline declared war on Danielle -- it was hard to imagine how the Jersey wives could top themselves. While the premiere didn't feature any violent feats or knock-down, drag-out fights, it didn't take long for us to remember why this set of wives fascinated us so. I mean, who cooks vats of sauce in their driveway when they have a 10,000 square foot house? Why do Danielle's teenage daughters have more common sense than her?

So, we figured, as long as they keep this up, why not subject them to a Character Countdown, much like their New York brethren? Each woman begins with 100 points, earning or losing points each week based on their actions and things that happen to them.

Here's how things panned out:

Annie Wersching

CAROLINE (100)

-- Talks smack about Danielle's kids, calling them socially awkward (-3)

-- Turns a leisurely lunch into a federal case against Danielle (-2)

-- Sees herself as the gatekeeper of family, and believes Danielle is trying to go around her to get in (-1)

-- Says "Danielle will never win against us." Hey, them's fightin' words, and that's why we watch (+2)

-- Walks into her adult children having a food fight in her kitchen. A slice of ham is stuck to cherry cabinets. Who's socially awkward now? (-3)

-- Tries to control fights between her kids. Good luck with that (-1)

Net gain/loss: -8

Current total: 92

Annie Wersching

TERESA (100)

-- Looks adorable at her lunch with Caroline and Jacqueline. When you're hugely preggo, it can be easy to just call in your appearance, but she doesn't (+4)

-- Orders a salad. Uh, your ninth month of pregnancy is when you can freely order a 1/2 pound burger, fries and a slab of cheesecake for dessert. Get with the program (-3)

-- Talks about pregnant sex positions with her husband. Hey, if you're off-camera, go for it. But we don't even want to go there in our heads, even when you're not expecting (-2)

-- At another lunch, she speaks graphically about the condition of her lady parts at her late stage of pregnancy. Not only did it make us uncomfortable, it made Jacqueline's baby cry (-5)

-- Husband is cooking dinner in the kitchen, which is a step up in cleanliness from the family making red sauce in their driveway last week (+4)

-- He is using a Slap Chop (+2)

-- Daughter Gia is cast in a Fashion Week runway show, despite being only four feet tall (+4)

-- Hubby doesn't know what Fashion Week is, and based on his outfit (wife beater and unbuttoned short-sleeved houndstooth shirt), this should not be breaking news (-3)

Net gain/loss: +1

Current total: 101

Annie Wersching

DANIELLE (100)

-- Dresses her dog in sweatshirts, because animals love to wear clothes (-2)

-- Tells her Realtor that bidets are essential to a bathroom. Really? (-1)

-- Walks around her house in little black dress ... and bare feet. Maybe she can help launch Real Housewives of Arkansas? (-1)

-- Daughter Christine gets scouted by IMG to be a model (+3)

-- Danielle potentially sees this as her as meal ticket (-2)

-- Christine sees this as her meal ticket, too -- and a chance to get out of mom's crazy world (-3)

-- Rips on Teresa's 8-year-old daughter's potential modeling career. "She's only four feet tall." Um, she's eight (-5)

-- Is happy to steal a bit of daughter's thunder by hopping into her photo session (-1)

-- Plans a party in honor of her daughter's magazine cover (+2)

-- Daughter is not invited (-3)

-- Makes a big deal about Jacqueline and Dina not coming to the luncheon, implying that they were no-shows, even though both told her they couldn't make it (-3)

Net gain/loss: -16

Current total: 84

Annie Wersching

JACQUELINE (100)

-- Admits to Caroline and Teresa that she talks to Danielle as a "peaceful acquintance." We are sure this will come back to haunt her, so we'll deduct some now (-3)

-- 18-year-old daughter Ashley brings home laundry in a Hefty bag (-2)

-- Baby Nick is wearing an AC/DC shirt. You're never too young to shake it all night long (+2)

-- Jacqueline expresses concern over her daughter going out to bars (+4)

-- Daughter Ashley to Jacqueline: "If I wanted to come home and argue with you, then I would just live here." (-2)

-- Tells Ashley to do her laundry elsewhere (+3)

-- Declines Danielle's invitation to her luncheon (+1)

Net gain/loss: +3

Current total: 103

Annie Wersching

DINA (100)

-- Shops at cute boutique for Teresa's baby (+3)

-- Thinks ladybugs are a good unisex clothing option (-1)

-- Suggests Jacqueline whoop her daughter's ass (+2)

Net gain/loss: +4

Current total: 104

Current totals:

Dina: 104

Jacqueline: 103

Teresa: 101

Caroline: 92

Danielle: 84