Sometimes it feels as though if you've read one celebrity interview, you've read them all. Reporters ask the same tired old questions and get the usual rehearsed answers. And what's really unfair about it is that the celebrities being interviewed have publicists on hand to protect them from saying anything stupid, but who's protecting the readers from being bored? In the interest of bringing some excitement back into the world of entertainment journalism, here are five questions we'd like banned from all celebrity interviews for eternity:
1. How do you feel about the latest celebrity scandal/reality show craze/Hollywood pregnancy?
You can't tune into a pre-awards show red carpet special these days without having to watch a ton of painful and pointless interviews where A-listers like Leonardo DiCaprio are forced to scramble to come up with something to say about Britney's latest meltdown, so-and-so's baby bump, or the latest episode of Jersey Shore. Just because the "journalists" of E! and Access Hollywood are obsessed with discussing these topics doesn't mean everyone else is! If you're at the Oscars interviewing a nominee, please stick to talking to them about their film, their feelings about being nominated, or even their outfit. (Note to producers of these specials: hiring interviewers who've actually seen the films might help.) Trust us, Billy Bush: you're the only one in the world who cares if Jeremy Piven has seen the latest pictures of Brangelina's twins.
2. What was it like working with your more-famous-than-you co-star?
This one does have some actual potential as an interview question -- if celebrities could be relied on to answer honestly. But years of over-the-top, insincere gushing has rendered this question useless, unless the person you are interviewing happens to be Katherine Heigl.
3. How do you stay in such great shape?
This is another question people would actually be interested in hearing the answer to if celebrities were willing to give it. But most are too vain to admit to all the insanity that really goes into their expensive and exhausting fitness and beauty regimens. If you really want to know how Ryan Reynolds got those amazing abs, you're better off hunting down and paying off his personal trainer.
4. What's it like being a parent?
Hearing movie stars tell cute stories about their kids on talk shows can be entertaining, but when they start to wax philosophical about the joys of parenthood or, heaven forbid, attempt to give advice, our eyes start to roll. Babies may be the hottest accessory in Hollywood these days, but does that really mean we should assume Jennifer Garner has something new and interesting to say about changing diapers?
5. Boxers or briefs?
And instead of just banning this one, let's work to retroactively go back and burn all records of any occasion where anyone has bothered to answer this mind-numbingly stupid question. Is this really the type of information we want preserved for posterity?