Ranking The Jersey Shore Cast

Step aside, Real World. Take a hike,


MTV has graced us with Jersey Shore, our new reality obsession, for which we'd gladly forsake all others. Between the abundance of hair gel on the dudes, the shredded t-shirt/short-shorts combos on the ladies and the "Joisey Showa" accents, it's easy to get sucked in.

And then it's impossible to turn away from this cast that's delightfully trashy, perpetually creepin'* (see glossary below), and has apparently never heard about the dangers of tanning beds. They are the most annoying/fascinating people to hit reality TV since -- dare we say it? -- Speidi. Some of them already came previous nicknames, too.

We love to hate them, so we're ranking them from least to most annoying.

Annie Wersching

8. Ronnie

At first glance, this fauxhawked muscle-head looks like he'd be the super-charged, hotheaded fighting machine. And to be fair, he did show his meathead side in the most recent episode after he got into a fist fight on the boardwalk.

But for the most part, Ronnie is soft-hearted and seems devoted to his castmate/showmance partner, Sammi, which is a refreshing quality amongst the other three men in this house.

Quote: "I'm angry and I'm gonna go creep on girls," he said, after fighting with Sammi. But then he went home and made up with her instead.

Annie Wersching

7. Jenny, "JWoww"

The hardest thing to stomach about JWoww, so far, has probably been her fashion sense. Platinum streaks highlight her black hair, and one of her more memorable outfits involved paint-splashed jeans, a hot pink bra underneath a bedazzled black bustier and rhinestone belt.

But she's been a good friend to everyone in the house. She even tried to beat up a girl that dared call Snooki fat.

Quote: "I left early because I didn't want to cheat on my boyfriend. And I felt like eating ham and drinking water. Ham."

Annie Wersching

6. Nicole, "Snooki"

Snooki could make some serious money as the spokesperson for a tanning bed company, and for Bump-its. At first, it seemed like this 4'9" cast member with the Oompa Loompa skin and the bad hair was going to be the most annoying person in the house, but she's really grown on us.

While she does have a loud mouth, she is fiercely loyal to her other castmates, to the point of getting punched in the face not once, but twice, while sticking up for them in various situations.

Quote: "I looked over and saw hair being pulled and I was like, Oh My Gawd, how do I get in?"

Annie Wersching

5. Vinny

This is where the ranking starts to get hard. For the most part, Vinny seemed harmless. He's more chill than his other male castmates, even admitting at one point, he was a bit of a momma's boy. And he felt geniunely guilty after he stole his boss/landlord's girlfriend. But it's impossible for us to get the following cringe-worthy quote out of our heads.

Quote: "There are some girls that are gonna just come here, strip off their clothes and jump in the jacuzzi. Then there are some girls that are actally respectful, that you have to actually treat like girls. Human beings. These were those type of girls."

Annie Wersching

4. Angelina

Even though Angelina left the show after the first few episodes, a little bit of her went a looooong way. Women are often each other's worst enemies, and she was a prime example of that. She was constantly talking trash about the ladies that the guys dragged home. Now, granted, some of them did get naked in the jacuzzi five minutes after meeting the JS dudes... but did Anglina really need to sit right there and watch, offering a running commentary the whole time? Get a life.

Quote: "The boys are gonna hate, because I'm gonna keep f***ing up their game. ... If a girl's a slut, they should be abused."

Annie Wersching

3. Sammi

She denied it later, but when the Shoresters first showed up at the house, Sammi was totally flirting with Mike ("The Situation"). Then she glommed on to Ronnie and quickly became his girlfriend, flaunting her new relationship situation in front of The Situation. From there, she has been revealed as a high-maintenance, wet blanket. She's always the one who wants to leave the bars first, and she can't even take a joke. When Ronnie cracked on her about her "Fred Flintstone toe," she totally overreacted.

Also, it seems like every one of her shirts had a previous life as a cat's scratching post.

Quote: "I felt so disrespected. I was so offended," she said of the toe incident in the confessional. And to Ronnie: "Don't ever look me in the face again."

Annie Wersching

2. Pauly D

We've got to be honest: Divvying up the top two slots was extremely difficult. But Pauly D ultimately earned an extra "lesser of a tool point" due to his status as a decent DJ.

But that's where it ends. This kid has channeled Vanilla Ice's hair, circa "Ice, Ice Baby," that withstands every activities, including sleeping and swimming. He revealed his pierced unit to JWoww, is proud to have earned the reputation of a ladies man at the shore -- and, in perhaps the most telling move -- he's aligned himself with Mike, the biggest tool in the shed.

Quotes: We couldn't decide on just one.

"She knows what happened. She just doesn't want to feel like a trash bag because she has a boyfriend."

"My hair didn't move an inch when I hopped in and out of the water. My hair is wind proof, water proof, soccer proof motorcycle proof. I'm not sure if my hair is bulletproof. I'm not willing to try that."

Annie Wersching

1. Mike, "The Situation"

We're not even sure what his nickname means, but anyone who repeatedly refers to himself in the third person qualifies as a complete moron. But Mike sealed his Top Jerk status when he stood by as Snooki got punched in the mouth by a guy at the bar, and then proceeded to try and get laid that same night. He also relied on Snooki to get rid of extra women that his potential hook-up brought over to the house, which resulted in her getting punched in the face again -- just days after the first incident.

He's also invited multiple women back to the house for hook-ups on the same night, dismissing the first girl after he found what he considered a better option. He's totally disrespectful and desperate, but also ridiculously full of himself. Just a dirtbag, all around.

Quotes: "Everyone loves The Situation. And if you don't love The Situation, I'm going make you love The Situation."

"When we are out on the battlefield (at the bar), I'm like the first strike. It's sort of like they send me out first, like the Navy Seals. A little reconnaissance, and girls are bagged."

* Creepin': Looking for a partner with whom to hook-up with for the night.