The Bachelor 14: First Impressions

Jake Pavelka got a little help from his friends -- that would be Ed and Jillian from The Bachelorette -- in narrowing the field on The Bachelor season premiere.

(We couldn't help wondering if notorious ladies' man Ed was going to try to slip some of the bachelorettes his phone number on the side, but anyway. Good luck to you Jillian.)

Now let the speculating begin on which bachelorette has a secret affair with a producer for this season's shocking scandal! (Rozlyn, Rozlyn and Rozlyn. 'Nuff said.)

Here, in alphabetical order, our first impressions of the remaining 15 women vying for Jake Pavelka's heart.

ALI: This down-to-earth blonde, who charmingly lost her voice and tripped on her canary yellow gown the first night, is a frontrunner in both Jake's eyes and ours. But we meant it literally when we said "down-to-earth" -- Ali has a fear of flying and hasn't been on a plane in eight years. Can she really be Jake's co-pilot?

ASHLEIGH: This blonde made an impression when she literally fell into Jake's arms upon meeting him. But she recovered nicely and landed a rose.

ASHLEY: Teacher Barbie comes with a well-stocked wardrobe (thanks to her mom?!) and was the only bachelorette to change outfits during the course of the first evening. She memorably surprised Jake in a blue flight attendant's uniform with a nametag reading: "Property of Captain." Subtle.

CHRISTINA: The emerging "I'm not here to make friends" bitch of the group was so confident of her ability to "win" that she brought jelly beans as parting gifts for the rest of the girls. Nice.

CORRIE: Drawing a blank here.

ELIZABETH: The beautiful tomboy showed up in a red floor-length gown with a football under her arm, then promptly kicked off her shoes and challenged Jake to a throwing contest. We think she'll go the distance.

ELLA: This Southern belle and single mom is dreaming of a happy ending with Jake, and she'll put up her dukes to get it -- she's an amateur boxer on the side.

GIA: This sultry pageant queen says she's unlucky in love. Aren't they all?

JESSIE: The one who said, "Do you have a registry for those guns?" upon meeting Jake. And how long did you work on that opening line? She won't make it past the second rose ceremony.

KATHRYN: The flight attendant wears an engagement ring for her "pretend fiance." Wha?! She also went for a purple tu-tu for her first meeting with Jake, an interesting choice.

MICHELLE: The token psycho of the group, this cat-eyed brunette has already cried in the bathroom and told Jake she plans to fall in love with him. Despite Ed's warning to stay away, Jake handed her the last rose of the night (with a little nudge from producers, we're sure).

ROZLYN: Tall, blonde and beautiful, this model was the first one out of the limo and has confidence to spare. But given her attitude about the catty, jealous nature of women, we're guessing she won't be making too many friends in the house.

TENLEY: She was apparently a perfect "ten" the first night, as she nabbed both the first kiss and the first-impression rose after reciting "10 Things You Need To Know About Tenley." But since the Disney princess had a near nervous breakdown after that single chaste peck, I'm skeptical whether she can hang with the big girls for the duration of the season.

VALISHIA: This Texas rose caught Jake's eye in her bright red dress. It worked.

VIENNA: The unemployed, self-professed "spoiled Daddy's Girl" told Jake to remember her name by thinking "Vienna sausage." What else can we say?