Enough about New Moon -- this is the week for the guys to drool a little. It's time for the airing of the annual Victoria's Secret Fashion Show (CBS, Tuesday 10 p.m.), which was held a couple of weeks ago. While the Black Eyed Peas were in attendance doing their thing (wherever there are cameras, the Peas will never be far away), the show is all about the models, both the veterans who helped make Victoria's Secret the biggest name in underwear and the up-and-comers who will be the dominant supermodels of the coming decade.
Here's a highly scientific ranking of the top models in this year's fashion show. This list was compiled taking into consideration factors such as long and faithful service to the Victoria's Secret brand, celebrity achievement outside the runway, efforts made towards furthering world peace, and that intangible something called "the author really thinks she's hot."
10. Behati Prinsloo: Just out of her teens, this Namibian is a bigger name in Europe right now than in the States, but her association with Victoria's Secret is beginning to change that. She reminds me a little of Kate Moss -- and who wouldn't like a Kate Moss who can also fill out a bikini? The future looks bright for her.
9. Selita Ebanks: She's been on the fringe of truly massive fame for a few years now. Ebanks was once engaged to Nick Cannon, who ended up marrying someone much more famous instead. Now, she has apparently been cast in the coming season of The Apprentice, and reality shows are typically the province of retired or semi-retired models. She may have peaked, but it's been a fine peak.
8. Maryna Linchuk: How many thongs could a Linchuk chuck if a Linchuk could chuck thongs? This Byelorussian blonde has a slightly imperious look that may keep her from catching on as a massive star, but she took on greater prominence in this year's fashion show, so we're keeping our eyes on her. And speaking of eyes, Linchuk's baby blues are a sight to behold.
7. Doutzen Kroes: I'm not quite sure I get this girl. She works constantly, but there seems to be a lack of a distinct image here. Even when you consider her most prominent feature, her lips, Kroes is overshadowed by the likes of Karolina Kurkova. Victoria's Secret is a small part of what she does, so she'll be fine even if she proves too boring for the company in the long run.
6. Candice Swanepoel: The young South African is part of the new group of Victoria's Secret Angels, and word is that she truly earned her wings in this year's show. There's no one involved with Victoria's Secret who has a bad body, but Swanepoel's claim to fame (at least it will be once she's truly famous) is her face -- she is so pretty as to make her body almost irrelevant.
5. Ana Beatriz Barros: Barros has been associated with Victoria's Secret for most of the last decade, but even after all this time, there's something a bit unapproachable about her, almost as if she was royalty who was lowering herself to model for us. She may need a good tabloid scandal to get to the next level, but her current level is still mighty fine.
4. Marisa Miller: Her claim to fame at this level is that she brings a different look to the Victoria's Secret stage. Shorter and much curvier than a high fashion model, Miller transitioned from cheesecake stuff to the big time, and is still increasing in prominence at an age where most models are beginning to think about what comes next. She's the only Victoria's Secret Angel who is better known for her Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue appearances, which just goes to prove her versatility.
3. Alessandra Ambrosio: How do the Brazilians do it? There's not much of a gap between Ambrosio and her countrywoman Barros, but while Barros is more classically pretty, Ambrosio is ridiculously sultry. The woman was born to wear a swimsuit, but she's awfully strong in the lingerie area as well. Ambrosio is finishing up a full decade with Victoria's Secret; may her bra wave high during the 2010s as well.
2. Heidi Klum: Ambrosio won plaudits for returning to the fashion show in 2008 three months after having a baby, but Klum's feat this year -- coming back only six weeks after having a fourth child at age 36, and without having returned to her typical weight -- is an act of heroism they will be talking about forevermore wherever models gather to throw up. She is speeding toward the emeritus phase of her career, but Klum, like Christie Brinkley and Elle MacPherson before her, is a permanent fixture in lingerie lore.
1. Miranda Kerr: The stars have aligned for Kerr to take her place atop the modeling world. She has an approachable look. She has an adorable accent. She manages to come across as the girl next door even when she's strutting in a thong that provides almost complete rear exposure. She also has a dopey boyfriend in Orlando Bloom, so things aren't perfect. But she's as close as we're going to come in 2009.