Pitch Meeting: Did You Hear About the Morgans?

Editor's Note: You know the conversation you often have with your friends that goes "How in the world did they decide to make this movie?" Well, we have it too. And using only the power of our imaginations we've decided to put you in the room for the process behind Did You Hear About the Morgans? Enjoy!

Director/writer Marc Lawrence, (the mastermind behind Music and Lyrics) is back in business. And also back for another roll in the rom-com hay: Sarah Jessica Parker and Hugh Grant. Stir them together and you have the saucy movie recipe for Did You Hear About the Morgans?, the tale of a couple who witness a murder and must relocate to Wyoming as part of a witness-protection program. Did I neglect to mention that their marriage is a disaster and now they're stuck in a small town together? Fun!

MARC LAWRENCE: Ladies and gentleman, have I got a holiday season blockbuster for you!

EXEC #1: OMG, I must say, Big Momma's House 2 was brilliant!!

ML: What?

EXEC # 2: (whispering to EXEC #1) Shhh ... that's MARTIN Lawrence. This is the trailblazer responsible for Miss Congeniality 2 and Family Ties...

EXEC #1: (whispering back) Ohhh ... sorry.

EXEC #3: So ... tell us about this new holiday movie!

EXEC #1: Is it Big Santa's House starring Martin Lawrence as a crime-stoppin', cross-dressin' Mr. Claus?

EXEC #3: (elbowing Exec #1) Dude! Seriously!!!

EXEC #1: What? Why wouldn't Marc collaborate with his own brother?

REST OF EXECS: (in unison) Sigh ... (security escorts a baffled EXEC #1 out)

EXEC #4: Ooh, is Katherine Heigl in it?

ML: Nope

EXEC #4: Drew Barrymore?

EXEC #2: How about vampires?

EXEC #3: (disgusted) Vampires are over. What about sexy, half-human Chupacabres? That's fresh!

ML: Er ... no to all of that. The leads are Sarah Jessica Parker and Hugh Grant!

EXEC #2: (spits out her coffee) Will Sarah Jessica Parker date Santa Claus?!!

EXEC #4: But she'll be torn between Santa and his blundering yet adorable elf Hugh Grant!

ML: No, but that's not a bad idea ... Well, I already wrote the other script. Plus, it's not so much a "holiday" movie as a movie that releases during the holidays. But it is a wacky rom-com with a fab cast!

EXEC #2: Yay!

ML: So the story is, Sarah and Hugh's characters are married but it's not working out.


ML: She's not sure she loves him anymore and he's huggably pathetic and desperately wants to stay hitched.

EXEC #2: That's a stretch for Grant! Are you sure he can pull it off?

ML: We'll see! So, they witness a murder and because of a witness-protection program are forced to leave Manhattan and move to...

EXEC #3: To Minnesota ya! And oh boy, you betcha they'll have fun talkin' to the local folk, dontcha know!

EXEC #2: (sadly) No, no, New in Town already milked the Minnesota schtick. For now...

EXEC #3: Damn!

ML: Don't worry, they're moving somewhere with just as easy to exploit stereotypical quirkiness.

EXEC #5: Where?

ML: Wyoming!

EXECS: Perfect!!

ML: We'll call it -- Did You Hear About the Morgans!

EXEC #2: No I didn't!

EXEC #4: Who are the Morgans?

EXEC #5: Tell, me! I have to know!

ML: It works! That's exactly the response I wanted! They'll all be dying to know and run to the theater to learn the answer!

EXEC #2: Know what?

ML: And guess who I've cast to play the 10 gallon-hat-topped sheriff who watches over them!

EXEC #3: Dwayne Johnson?

ML: Yeah, no. I didn't really want anyone to guess. Please don't anyone guess anything anymore. It's Sam Elliott!

EXEC #2: From Big Lebowski?

EXEC #5: Please tell me he'll grow a special 'stache for the film. Let's see, he's done the Yosemite Sam handlebar ... what type of mustache says "Wyoming"...

ML: And, as the sheriff's gun-totin' Sarah Palin-esque sidekick, we've got Mary Steenburgen! And just in case people don't recognize how much she's like Sarah Palin we'll have SJP's character say something clever that clues them in like, "Oh my god, it's Sarah Palin"!

ML: Exactly! And New Yorkers who don't know how to use guns, ferocious bears ... it'll be a riot!

EXEC #2: And angry bees! Maybe Hugh could hunt for wild honey and...

EXEC #5: And, haha, hunting accidents!

EXEC #5: Sarah and Hugh do have stunt doubles, right?

EXEC #4: Or they get ambushed by a family of banjo-playing, brother-...

ML: (interrupts) Yes! All wonderful thoughts!

EXEC #3: I'd like to know what would happen if I were stuck in an identity-switching scenario? Will the movie tell me that?

ML: The movie won't, but the "New You" game on the film website will! Just choose a situation like "The Van: You see two guys putting an endangered white leopard in a van.".

EXEC #2: Is the leopard just a leopard, or sometimes can it be Halle Berry?

EXEC #3: Marc, why are you giving away all your best movie ideas???

ML: So anyway, in this WEB GAME, you enter in your stats -- gender, occupation, etc. -- and presto, out pops your new identity!

EXEC #2: Wait, I'm entering my info now, female ... huh?

EXEC #3: What's your new identity!

EXEC #2: It says "You are now Shonda, a toll collector. You used to work in a colorful classroom. Now you sit in a gray box. Kids used to smile at you all day. No one smiles at you now, and no one ever will." What? (sniffs) No smiles ever? (sobs) My life is over!

EXEC #5: (sniffling) That's a terrible movie idea!!

EXEC #4: Marc, you monster!!

ML: Hey there now, I didn't create the game. I'll er ... look into it. C'mon now, cheer up. Imagine Hugh Grant getting chased by a crazed bear.

EXECS: Hahahaha!

ML: Everyone feel better?


ML: Well, let's go find us a grizzly and some guns!

EXECS: Hurrah!

Warning to readers: I didn't make Shonda up, that's truly the identity the cruel web game assigned me.