8:01: Neil Patrick starts us off with a jingle imploring us not to leave the telecast. We're one minute in.
8:06: Charlie Sheen sighting! You might remember him from those commercials with Michael Jordan. He's the guy Jordan is afraid of.
8:07: The Kanye West jokes already feel dated. That's how fast things move these days.
8:11: All the gals nominated for Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series wore funny eyewear. Except for Vanessa Williams. Kristin Chenoweth wins (for Pushing Daisies) and has a full scale meltdown. Good for her.
8:20: I love John Hodgman! Everyone should check out his work. That's not a suggestion. That's an order.
8:22: The Emmy for Outstanding Writing for A Comedy Series goes to Matt Hubbard of 30 Rock. He keeps it mercifully short. I can't fault the win, that's one of the best shows on television. That and whatever Tyra is doing.
8:24: NPH bombs with a site gag, but he knows it and moves on. Happens to the best of 'em. Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series goes to Jon Cryer in Two and a Half Men. He's one of the men. Him and Charlie Sheen. It's a great CBS show, you should check it out. Hey, what network is this show on again? Oh. Hmm. I see.
8:33: Justin Timberlake makes an appearance. He's handing out Outstanding Lead Actress in A Comedy Series. The Emmy goes to Toni Collette for United States Of Tara. I loved her work in About A Boy.
8:35: The Emmys are so much less stuffy than The Oscars. For instance, not one person has talked about the "craft of acting" followed by a 15 minute montage.
8:38: Blake Lively and Leighton Meester are here, and they are holding hands. Lively is wearing a red dress that could melt faces like the ark in Indiana Jones. Guest Actor Emmys go to Tina Fey and Justin Timberlake.
8:42: Jeffrey Blitz (The Office) takes home some hardware for Directing for a Comedy Series. He does his best not to ogle Lively. It's a noble effort.
8:48: Num3ers is coming back to the airwaves? When did it go away?
8:50: One of the writers here at film.com digs The Big Bang Theory. I've been meaning to make fun of her for that.
8:51: Alec Baldwin wins The Emmy for Outstanding Lead Actor in A Comedy Series. 30 Rock is already dominating, and everyone is thanking Lorne Michaels. I think that's just what you do. You thank Lorne. Death, Taxes, and Lorne. If you step to Lorne he'll pretty much end you, that's the rumor on the street.
But seriously though, a big film.com thanks goes out to Lorne. We wouldn't be here without him. Please don't hurt us.
8:56: When I signed on to this gig it was with the express written notation that there would be no dancing. And yet, I'm now watching a whole mess of dancing, replete with auto-tune song pumping in the background. Dance! Dance! Dance! Dance! It's Club Emmy, there's no cover charge, and all the ladies drink free!
8:59: Jeff Probst wins for Outstanding Reality Host. I had Padma in the office pool. Jeff mentions he's accepting the award on behalf of anyone who has a dream. But what if my dream is to host Survivor? See my dilemma?
9:06: Tracy Morgan gets a laugh for "Thank you, Neil Patrick Harris." That's when you know you're good, when people simply laugh at the sound of your voice. Outstanding Reality -- Competition goes to The Amazing Race. I keep hoping like hell they'll accept my application, if only to prove that guys without any sense of direction whatsoever can win too.
9:11: I'm trying to recall the last time I saw a miniseries. Maybe the one with Kirk Cameron?
9:13: Shohreh Aghdashloo wins for Best Supporting Actress in a Miniseries or Movie. Ken Howard (Grey Gardens) takes the Emmy for the same category, but for the gents. I've heard really good things about Grey Gardens. I'll have to throw it in the queue.
9:23: Brendan Gleeson wins The Emmy for Best Actor in a Miniseries or Movie. He was great in In Bruges. Also, Taking Chance should be winning more awards. I've been begging people to see that, even though it's supremely sad.
9:23: Medium and The Ghost Whisperer are now BOTH on CBS. They've got to be patting themselves on the back for that programming coup!
9:28: Dearbhla Walsh wins for Little Dorit. Man, how many Emmys do they give out?
9:30: NPH does a little Dr. Horrible for us! So far I'm giving NPH a very solid B+ for his work. He's very ebullient this evening.
9:44: Jessica Lange wins for Grey Gardens and then the show wins for Best Miniseries.
9:46: The good news is we're more than halfway home. The bad news is my fact checker / TiVo operator seems to be falling asleep. I gotta start getting more speed into her diet.
9:47: Variety show montage time! It was a good year for late night talk shows and SNL.
9:50: The guys and gal from Big Bang Theory mangle their presentation. They do manage to hand out The Emmy to Bruce Gowers for Outstanding Director -- Variety, Music, or Comedy Series. You might remember his work in American Idol.
9:55: Outstanding Writing -- Variety, Music, or Comedy Series is won by The Daily Show. I would rank them
4. Daily Show
But I can't begrudge Jon Stewart a win. He seems like good people.
10:02: Jimmy Fallon does auto-tune. It's actually pretty hilarious. They are now handing out an Award for... Best Music and Lyrics? And The Espys might win? If the Espys win something I'm out of here. I'm not bluffing.
10:05: In the most meta moment of the evening the musical number from The Oscars wins an Emmy. Does that happen often? If they make a movie about The Emmys can they give them an Oscar? I'm just wondering how far we can take this thing before we create a vortex.
10:07: Ricky Gervais is the funniest human on Earth. I stand by that. You can quote me on a poster and everything.
10:10: The Daily Show takes home another Emmy.
10:11: You know at some point the Emmys had a meeting about whether they could get the kids from Twilight involved somehow. Maybe Best Trailer? Most Oustanding Use of The Band Paramore?
10:12: There's the third joke of the evening about people choosing to watch the Cowboys-Giants game instead of The Emmys. Will that program get higher ratings? Should I have been doing a live diary on Romo vs. Eli Manning instead? Luckily, us tape delayed folks got to watch both events. It was the East Coast that had to choose. But no worries, I don't think the Giants play in a major media market.
10:18: Joke I made three days ago on Twitter: If a guy didn't use any part of his mind to solve crimes would he just be called The Physicalist?
10:20 Michael Emerson (Lost) wins The Emmy for Outstanding Supporting Actor in A Drama Series. I've made a pledge to myself not to buy Lost until the show is over. I've done that with The Wire and Battlestar Galactica. It works much better when you can consume the entire series over the course of a few months. Hey, wait a second, now I see why network TV is having such a hard time!
10:22 Cherry Jones (24) wins The Emmy for Outstanding Supporting Actress in A Drama Series.
10:26 Sarah McLachlan sings for the "In Memoriam" section. It's oddly riveting.
10:33 And down the stretch we come! Emmy does some housecleaning, handing out a few awards without awarding speech time.
10:37 Man Men picks up an Emmy for Outstanding Writing in a Drama Series. Matthew Weiner and Kater Gordon accept, but only one of them is allowed to speak. So, Kater, if you're out there and want to talk to someone, I'm here to listen.
10:40 The Mentalist is here! He's searing me with his intellect!
10:42 Glenn Close (Damages) takes home The Emmy for Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series. It's her second Emmy in a row in this category.
10:47 If you solved crimes with only the use of your pogo ball you'd have a show called The Pogoist, no?
10:50 Bryan Cranston wins Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series for Breaking Bad.
10:55 30 Rock takes The Emmy for Outstanding Comedy Series. Can't fault that decision, though I am getting a little misty that the show is going to run over time.
11:02 Mad Men wins Outstanding Drama Series for the second year in a row. Potential headline for homepage producers: "It's a Mad World!"
11:04 That's it for me folks. We'll get this copy-edited and suitable for framing soon. Thanks for reading!