They say blondes have more fun. But whether that will translate into viewers having fun remains to be seen when E! unleashes two notorious ladies in reality shows that premiere on Sunday.
So, who are we more willing to set our DVRs for? We'll let you know after we pit the two against each other in a TV Throwdown:
Most suspect that Richards agreed to a reality show to repair her tarnished reputation stemming from her bitter divorce from Charlie Sheen, and after being accused of stealing Richie Sambora from her former bestie, Heather Locklear.
Instead, Richards' program exposes that she's shallow, inane, not too bright -- and above all else -- boring. (Unless you think her turning her nose up at liverwurst sandwiches or getting a spray tan is riveting television.) In other words, she's not doing herself any favors.
Wilkinson, who was a mere civilian before becoming one of Hef's girlfriends, really has nothing to lose. She has no career to salvage; she's like a cartoon character built of flesh and silicone. Since we don't see her heading off to college any time soon, she might as well make some dough doing reality TV -- it's a perfect fit for her.
Richards' roster most famously includes ex-husband Sheen, 44, who has famously appreciated the services of prostitutes; become a born again Christian; reportedly overdosed on coke; had five kids (two with Richards); and allegedly verbally assaulted and threatened to kill Richards during their divorce. (Richards has also been linked to John Stamos, Patrick Muldoon and Sambora.)
Wilkinson's claim to fame is being a former member of 83-year-old Hugh Hefner's harem. Hef enjoys wearing silk pajamas during the daytime; is an atheist; throws ridiculously huge parties at his renowned mansion; is technically still married to spouse Kimberley Conrad but has multiple, rotating girlfriends; has four kids; and has a constant flow of half-naked women around the house.
None of these guys are making any Top Ten Bachelor lists, but least all of Richards' conquests were within her age range.
Hearing people laugh is supposed to make you feel lighthearted and jovial. But listening to these babes cackle gives us both an earache and a headache. Wilkinson sounds a bit like a monotone Woody Woodpecker, while Richards' guffaws are comparable to a female version of Louis in Revenge of the Nerds.
But Wilkinson loses this round, for the simple fact that she assaults us with her laugh more often than Denise does. She cracks up every time she does something stupid. Which is all the time.
In general, Wilkinson loves to flash her boobs, play sports and meanders through life on a feeble brain and good looks. Richards owns too many pets (she lets a pig sit in her lap at the bar in the kitchen!), drops the f-bomb like it's going out of style and talks about penises (she likes them), but otherwise leads a pretty dull life.
I'd rather watch silly Kendra learn to do laundry than see Denise make her mom's tomato soup. In fact, Denise's promotional teaser for her show says it best: "It doesn't matter if I hit a home run or strike out, at least I'm in the game." Um, if you expect us to waste our time watching your show, it matters to us.
Richards' short-lived, uncoordinated stint on DWTS was shameful -- almost as bad as her rendition of "Take Me Out to the Ball Game," which she unleashed upon a crowd at a Chicago Cubs game.
However, Wilkinson had the most embarrassing showing when she competed on Celebrity Rap Superstar, often forgetting the words during performances and relying on obscene gyrations to propel her.
Still, Wilkinson is also pretty athletic, proving herself capable at tennis and flag football in various Girls Next Door episodes. She can also dance, even if it's better suited to a strip club than a ballroom floor.
Richards demonstrated her bottomless pit of talentlessness in two separate categories. So, Wilkinson barely squeaks by with the win.
Bottom line: While Wilkinson often grated on my last nerve during The Girls Next Door, she is undeniably entertaining and I plan to tune in to her new offering. Meanwhile, I fell asleep during numerous episodes of It's Complicated. Denise is a trainwreck, but doesn't have enough juice to make viewers care.