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Dancing With the Stars Recap: Surprise Elimination

Say what you will about politicians -- feh! ptui! -- but clearly, it's the American electorate that really needs to be replaced. How else can you explain the inexplicable expulsion of

David Alan Grier and Kym Johnson from TV's Garden of Eden, Dancing With the Stars? They obviously won the contest! Their 24-point Viennese waltz made Lawrence Taylor and Edyta Sliwinska's 20-point paso doble look shabby. And it made the viewer voters look as corrupt as a tinpot third-world dictator, rejiggering elections at whim, smudging the scales of justice with their dirty thumbs.

dwts photosSee this season's costumes on Dancing with the Stars

Meanwhile, Steve-O

and Lacey Schwimmer, the perennial runts of the DWTS litter in terms of judges' scores, and victims of judicial discrimination -- they're getting better, and the judges refuse to see it -- got rescued by the audience's indiscriminate enthusiasm. What does this teach us? It's not about the dancing. It's about the persona of the performer, and the ineffable chemistry between the couple. Big lug though he is, Lawrence does have something going on with Edyta. Nothing People Magazine worthy, nothing scandalous. They just make a nice couple. She brings twinkle, crinkly eyes, a sexy yet innocent Eastern European oddness, an irrational horror of wearing clothes. He brings steadiness, like a slow, reliable farm animal. Powerful yet unmenacing. A bull without horns. As Julia Roberts said of Richard Gere in Pretty Woman, it was his stillness that made her whirling work. Together, they click.

DWTS photosDancing with the Stars through the seasons

David and Kym don't. And David's talent is a delicate thing. It only works in certain contexts. Definitely not on his Comedy Central show Chocolate News, which bites, and deservedly bit the dust. And not on DWTS. Something about the venue makes him inert, lifeless. You'd never know he was a comic, or a vibrant stage presence. Maybe he was focusing too much on being good at the actual dancing. Better luck next time, DAG. A talent like yours is bound to find its ecological niche.

Some say Beyonce sang the immortal tune "At Last," one of the most difficult songs ever because instead of building up to an emotional crescendo, it starts right up there and has to build even further. I can't think of many other songs that require this, except "Gee Whiz." I don't knock Beyonce's performance. But any fool knows that Etta James is the sole true performer of "At Last." Thanks to this week's DWTS elimination show, Etta got a chance to clear up this misunderstanding. Now even the damn fool viewers who voted for Lawrence instead of David can say they understand something, at least. At last.

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