Hold on to your popcorn -- the tub in your lap and the kernels you just crunched -- a new cinematic contraption wants to shake you up.
D-BOX Technologies has developed a motion-generating system that rattles and rolls theater seats so they're "perfectly synchronized with all onscreen action" giving audiences a "realistic, immersive experience." These Motion Code systems can be programmed for films, TV shows, or video games (it's now available for over 800 video titles). But before they're nationally distributed, D-BOX is reportedly testing a tinier market: the Mann Chinese 6 in Hollywood and the UltraStar in Surprise, Ariz. (Surprise, Ariz.? That's another story.)
The debut movie? Fast & Furious, the high-octane car-chase franchise's latest model with some original parts.
Speaking from my own 17-minute MOM (Motion Odyssey Movie) crash course, years ago, in the basement of Jordan's Furniture in Avon, Mass., I foresee some definite draws and dangers in a movie-length motion adventure.
You must be this tall. No pregnant women. - Or people prone to motion sickness, epileptics, children under 4 feet tall, etc. For many, D-BOX motion pictures wouldn't be medically advisable. For others, imagine the potential neurological and nerve damage done by an hour and half of being jiggered like a human cocktail.
Snack-attack anxiety - Just as Mr. Pibb nears your lips ... BLAM! Diesel sideswipes a Honda, your seat shudders, and soda spurts on you and your soggy neighbors. Skittles up your nose, Milk Duds down your shirt ... not to mention the digestive disaster of butter-churning a full belly for two hours. Plus, it's hard enough to hold it when you're still, the last thing an about-to-burst bladder needs is sudden lurches.
Amusement park or pure amusement - In the mood for an action-packed, amusement park ride? Or simply craving captivating cinema? Vibrating seats may not suit dramas with puzzling plots or tender tearjerkers unless ... the technology enables audiences to sob along with actors. Many might prefer massage chairs to D-BOX's wild rides.
Drop the hotdog and hula - Heaven knows Americans need to get their mushy muscles moving. So why not get fit while you sit? Hula along with a Ben Stiller rom-com -- I Left My Wife in Waikiki -- in a D-BOX version of the Hawaii Chair. Or hop along with Brangelina and brood in the thrilling Western -- A Fistful of Diapers -- on a Motion Code Giddyup! And stay saddled for baby-making scenes. (Was I wrong to write that instead of just say it in my head?)
DDR Bollywood - A Bollywood fantasy come true! Dance Dance Revolution stages that slide out from beneath your seat so you can shimmy along with Aishwarya and Abhishek.
Your Movie Funhouse
Not near California or Arizona? MOM's still taking visitors on teeth-chattering tours of cosmic rollercoasters and -- scary -- a broken down fun house ride operated by "a crazy clown." (Are there clowns that aren't crazy?)
Now you decide ...