What Does the "S" in S. Darko Stand for? We Can't Say on a Family Site
On April 28, Richard Kelly's indie classic Donnie Darko will be getting a totally unnecessary straight-to-DVD sequel. Turns out Donnie's little sister Samantha (Daveigh Chase, the only returning actor) is actually adopted, so she has to save the world. Or something. The big evil bunny also makes an appearance, along with everyone's favorite Bayside High alum, Elizabeth Berkley. No word yet on whether there's any pole dancing.
Verdict: Why couldn't a plane engine fall on whoever thought of this?
Mel Gibson's The Colonel: "Kentucky's Going to Fry Tonight"
Months ago I picked Colonel Sanders (or David Hasselhoff) for Steven Soderbergh's next biopic after Che and Liberace. But Mel beat him to the punch, and is already on Jimmy Kimmel with a clip. Accent, elaborate facial hair -- this could be the one that wins him an Oscar.
Verdict: Frankly, I'd rather watch this than anything Gibson's done in the last decade.
Across town from the Oscars, The Love Guru picked up three Golden Raspberries: worst actor, worst movie, and worst screenplay. Hilton won worst actress and worst screen couple for The Hottie and the Nottie, and worst supporting actress for Repo! The Genetic Opera. But the real shocker was that she wasn't on hand to pick up her trophies; she's obviously starved for attention, and finally there was a place where people were talking about her all night.
Verdict: Mike Myers, we know you're funny. Please come back to us. (Paris, you can stay right over there with Brody Jenner.)
Samuel L. Jackson Will Be Nick Fury -- In NINE Movies
The yes-or-no story of Jackson's role as Marvel Comics' agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. is finally over -- he just signed a nine-picture contract to appear in Iron Man 2, Thor, Captain America, The Avengers, and all their sequels.
Verdict: I'm as big a Sam Jackson fan as anyone (although I much prefer it when he's swearing), but there is such a thing as too much. And I liked Iron Man, but setting up a vast interconnected cinematic empire doesn't seem like such a great idea. Some not-so good movies are going to come out of this.
The Comedian Is Sticking With Funny Books
Jeffrey Dean Morgan is going straight from Watchmen (it's a little movie based on a graphic novel, maybe you've heard of it?) to The Losers, an adaptation of DC's Vertigo series about a special forces team that goes to war against the CIA.