Keeping Up With the Kardashians On Super Bowl Sunday

It's Super Bowl Sunday this weekend, and E! is counterprogramming with a marathon of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, one of the most perplexingly addictive reality shows on television. Although, I imagine that the Super Bowl audience and the Kim Kardashian fan base are not mutually exclusive. I would suggest flipping back and forth during the commercials, but then you'd be missing the best part of the Super Bowl. Cardinals vs. Steelers, really? For the record, I'm pulling for the underdog.

kardashian photosSee photos of Kim Kardashian.

Anyway. Keeping Up With the Kardashians will return for a third season in March, and from the previews it looks like the producers are really amping up the drama. Nothing like airing your family's dirty laundry on national television, in the all-American pursuit of more tabloid covers! Not to mention, more money in Ryan Seacrest's pocket.

E! describes the show thusly: "A tempest of siblings, business and fame engulf Olympic decathlete Bruce Jenner and paparazzi fave Kim Kardashian as their huge Hollywood families collide." Really? I can sum up the show in two words: "Train wreck." Let's revisit the show's first two seasons and all of the manufactured drama as we eagerly anticipate season 3.

The players:

Kim Kardashian: A former nobody who achieved tabloid fame by hanging out with Paris Hilton, dating Nick Lachey for two seconds, filming a sex tape with former boyfriend Ray J and having a bootylicious posterior. She attempted to go mainstream by appearing on season 7 of Dancing With the Stars, where she performed a cringeworthy routine to the tune of Sir Mix-A-Lot's "Baby Got Back." After being eliminated, she claimed being on the show was difficult because she is "shy." In related news, Kim's antics on Keeping Up With the Kardashians include posing for Playboy and creating a sexy calendar for boyfriend Reggie Bush.

Kourtney Kardashian: Usually agreeable sister who spent much of early seasons in a borderline emotionally abusive relationship with her boyfriend. Highlights include freaking out over a text message in said boyfriend's phone, having a pregnancy scare and confronting her boyfriend about cheating on her. She's like the Audrina of the Kardashians. Kourtney also enjoys adopting homeless men in her spare time.

Khloe Kardashian: The moodiest and tallest of the sisters, possibly suffers from rage issues. Khloe had a tough time dealing with the anniversary of her dad's death and blew off some steam during an acting class. She runs DASH, the clothing store owned by the Kardashians, and likes to complain about how she does all the work. Her sisters like setting her up on blind dates, which never end well.

Rob Kardashian: The lone brother in a family of sisters who like to crash his dates and butt in on his love life. Rob's major storyline thus far has been dating Cheetah Girls Adrienne Bailon, whom you might know not from the Disney Channel but from her nude photographs which leaked on the Internet last summer. If she marries into the Kardashian family, she should fit right in. Some kind of sex scandal appears to be the price of entry.

Kris Kardashian: Rivals Dina Lohan as a busybody mom who wants to be as famous as her daughters. Kris has impressively used her D-List reality fame to land a correspondent gig on entertainment news show The Insider, where she gossips about her daughters and generally looks completely out of her league. Kris married Bruce Jenner of Olympics fame. Her Keeping Up With the Kardashians highlights include becoming jealous of Kim when she posed for Playboy, "accidentally" distributing Kim's sexy calendar that was meant for Reggie Bush's eyes only and running off to Mexico for a photo shoot without telling her husband.

Bruce Jenner: The man of the house mostly just looks totally overwhelmed by all the Krazy girls around him. He spawned the reality star that is Brody Jenner of MTV's The Hills and Bromance. I would say Bruce's glory days ended in the 1970s, and that is where they will stay. He's not doing himself any favors by appearing on this reality show.