SAG Strike? Time For A New Contract Arrangement!

What if actors were paid more for the quality of the work rather than in terms of box-office receipts? Your Uncle Dre has a plan. Stay with me here.

Here we delve into the qualitative factors of an actor's career. Each actor gets tiered into a 10-level point system. Level 10s would be your Tom Hankses and Denzel types. Level one would be your Kirk Camerons. Every movie you make, you have the ability to earn up to X amount of points. Your movie makes $50 million? You get .5 points. You make $100 million: you earn two points. But let's make budget restraint a factor as well. Sure, your movie grossed $100 million. What was its budget? $200 million? Uh-uh. Points are void. Was your movie budgeted under $30 million? One point. You get the idea.

Did you get nominated for an Oscar? Two points. Did you win? Two more points. We'll throw in some festival crumbs as well. If you won Best Actor at Cannes, Venice, and Sundance, hey, that's .2 points each and those babies can add up. Now, I realize this is beginning to look like a system begging for corruption. Can't you see guys like John Travolta drumming up some phony-baloney festival with their friends just to get their hands on extra measly .2 points? Oh, and one other rule: People's Choice Awards do not count. Let's protect the masses from themselves.

Also, where do you rank among your peers and co-workers? That's why there would be polls to rank actors, directors and producers like the BCS. Depending on your ranking you earn additional points. Hey, the BCS is flawless, so this is sure to work!

Points could also be taken away. Did you get a DUI this year? Negative one point. Did you ever have a relationship with J-Lo? Negative two points. Have you made an appearance in a spoof movie in the last ten years? Did you have plastic surgery? Does Casper Van Dien have your cell number? Did you appear in Daddy Day Camp? Did you direct Daddy Day Camp? (In fact, I would throw Cuba Gooding Jr. and Eddie Murphy out. There would be a five-year suspension of any and all points for crimes against humanity, such as for making or participating in a movie like Daddy Day Camp. Somebody needs to be made an example of. And if it weren't for efforts like Reign Over Me, Adam Sandler would be on thin ice too.) Deductions, deductions, deductions. And so on.

Once all the points are added up, you're placed into a tier. How much monetary value each tier receives is open to intense negotiation. You could also have a set amount of back-end for the higher tiers. Imagine the possibilities! No actors would leave projects over salary issues! Each tier can even have third-party arbitration to decide how much that level is qualified to make. Naturally, the third-party arbitrator will need no real credentials whatsoever! I nominate me.

This plan is just a blueprint at this stage. Though I would like to see guys like Philip Seymour Hoffman and Gary Oldman get paid. And with the looming actors' strike, now is the time to negotiate.