American Pie 4? We've Got Plot Ideas!

It looks like Universal has finally axed the American Pie-omatic line of straight-to-DVD crapfests so they can put the crap back where it belongs: coming soon to a theater near you (h/t Moviehole). Yes, an American Pie 4 could very well be coming our way. With the career trajectories of pretty much everybody associated with the originals tanking like the NASDAQ, I'm sure they won't have much trouble lining up the cast. But where is there possibly left to go? Thankfully, we have a few ideas.

American Probation

Stifler and Finch become energy drink salesmen and crash the company monster truck into a school, then have to do 150 hours of community service. Oh, wait. That movie's called Role Models, and it came out last Friday.

American Divorce

All that schmaltzy wedding stuff from the threequel? Jim and Michelle's fairytale ends up like 50 percent of American marriages: lawyers, alimony, and splitting up the stuff. It's not an American Pie movie until Stifler eats something gross. This time: a human toe. And Finch sleeps with Stifler's mom again, even though now she's 72.

American Tramp

Vicky Latham (that's Tara Reid) travels the beaches of the world getting wasted and falling out of her bikini top. Crap, that's one already been done too.

Eastern European Pie

Sexy Czech exchange student Nadia goes back to Prague, where she opens a sexy restaurant making sexy meat-based food. Turns out, in the Czech Republic, they make pies out of pork.

American Baby

Michelle pops out twins and Jim hires Nadia as their nanny, providing plenty of chances for "accidental" peeping and hilarious infidelity. Then a drunken hookup between Stifler and Vicky leaves them with a newborn too, and Finch and Kevin, newly out as a gay couple, try to adopt it. More breastfeeding and poop jokes than you can shake a stick at.

American Musical

Hell, it's working for those kids over at Disney.