Dancing With the Stars: Miley Cyrus Crashes the Party, and the Winner Is...

Shockingly, there will be an actual star on Monday's grand finale episode of Dancing With the Stars -- Miley Cyrus. Evidently, she's not feeling hissy about the fact that all the squalling 13-year-old girls on earth could not prevent the defenestration of her onscreen squeeze Cody Linley from the show. His charmer of a partner, Julianne Hough, quit DWTS too, hoping to win music credibility by shedding the shame of her hoofer gig. Hose off those sequins and go, girl!

But who among the three survivors will wind up as the star of DWTS, the Only Dancer Left Standing? We at Film.com seldom editorialize, but we must break with tradition and demand that Brooke Burke should get the final crown.

Granted, Lance Bass made a last-minute improvement and outdanced her last week, when she got overambitious, overreached, and figuratively fell on her face. Still, admit it: she's got more talent in her toe than Lance has in his entire body. And if that kindly giant Warren Sapp wins, I'm moving to Canada.