TV Throwdown: Oprah Winfrey Vs. Ellen DeGeneres

Recently, I had some vacation time to burn. During my time off, I ran errands, did some work around the house and watched a little bit of daytime TV. And frankly, that made me really happy that I have a day job.

But there is one shining star amongst all the crapola, and that gem is The Ellen DeGeneres Show. The hour-long program never fails to entertain, and we pretty much think Ellen is the queen of daytime TV.

Then again, there's also some other talk show host, Oprah Winfrey, who's pretty popular, too. Or so we've heard.

So for our amusement, we decided to pit the two daytime hosts against each other ... because, hey, what else do we have to do with our vacation time?

MEMORABLE GUEST SPOTS:

I love Ellen's dry sense of humor and am impressed by the comfortable rapport she creates with her guests, whether it's a celebrity or a little kid. Recently, she let Heidi Klum promote her new cosmetics line for Victoria's Secret. But what made it entertaining was that Ellen and Heidi made over studio audience guests with the makeup in 45 seconds. Blindfolded. The results were disastrous and hilarious.

That's good stuff, Ellen. But until you do something as ludicrous as Tom Cruise's couch-jumping interview, this round easily belongs to Oprah.

Oprah, 1; Ellen, 0.

DANCING:

Ellen dances every day. Oprah doesn't.

Oprah, 1; Ellen, 1.

OUTFITS:

Oprah always looks classically put-together, and wears bright colors really well. She's also a master at changing her hairdo.

And whether Ellen is hosting her talk show or the Oscars, she's consistently fun, funky and freshly accessorized.

Just ask Kanye West, who complimented Ellen's fashion sense during a recent appearance on her show: "You've got really great style," he told her. "Seriously, this is one of the people you should look at whenever you're trying to figure out how to put together an outfit, especially for guys."

Plus, Ellen wears Converse. Bitchin'.

Oprah, 1; Ellen, 2.

SIGNIFICANT OTHERS:

Portia de Rossi: Hot. Stedman Graham: Not so much.

Oprah, 1; Ellen, 3.

INCOME:

Oprah probably has enough money to rescue our country from its current economic crisis. I'm sure Ellen does all right, but I feel safe in saying it's nowhere near Oprah's billions and billions of dollars.

Oprah, 2; Ellen 3.

WORLD DOMINATION:

Up against many other people, Ellen could seriously sweep this category. Her list of achievements includes Emmy-winning talk show host, best-selling author, revered stand-up comedian, successful TV and film actress. She was only the second woman to host the Oscars on her own (the first was Whoopi Goldberg), and she's the newest face of Cover Girl cosmetics for 2009.

To list all of Oprah's accomplishments would be nearly impossible in this short section, but we'll hit the highlights: She has a long-standing talk show, a store in Chicago, a magazine, is also a film actress, and will reportedly get her own cable network in 2009. She started a reality show to reward do-gooders with money, opened a school in Africa for girls, and has given away new cars to her studio audiences. And of course, she's got the Midas touch, transforming anything she touches into pure gold. (How else would we all have been saddled with that tool, Dr. Phil?)

That's the short list. And it earns Oprah the win -- plus an extra credit point.

Oprah, 4; Ellen, 3.

So, you win the battle on paper, Oprah. But on TV, we'd totally choose Ellen. No offense, but you conflict with our viewing of The Young & The Restless.