Ripping Anne Slowey, the real-life magazine editor and star of The CW's Stylista, is already so five minutes ago. The bloggers have been vicious, and the show doesn't even premiere until Wednesday night.
Granted, the Elle editor does a poor imitation of Meryl Streep's character in The Devil Wears Prada that fairly begs to be mocked: "I only take iced lattes with a small straw. I don't do almonds unless they're soaked overnight. Melons should never be mixed with any other fruit."
But Slowey herself is the most interesting thing about The CW's latest reality series, in which eager young fashion-types compete to be her assistant. Slowey, who never met an oversized necklace she didn't like, scowls and speaks with a clipped, Madonna-esque fake accent. Oddly, she can't seem to walk properly in heels. Perhaps this is because Slowey isn't so much a glamour goddess as she is playing one on TV.
Some Internet sleuthing reveals Slowey to be more of a bohemian, vintage-loving type who has publicly -- and self-deprecatingly -- chronicled her ongoing struggle to lose weight. On Project Runway's first season, Slowey alternated judging duties with fellow Elle editor Nina Garcia until producers chose to stick with Garcia in season two. There's reportedly no love lost between Slowey and Garcia, a storyline that's juicier than any onscreen drama manufactured by Stylista's producers.
Indeed, there is nothing here you haven't seen before. Mean girl Megan picks on Kate, who looks and acts like she should be on MTV's Real World. There's a crying-on-the-bathroom-floor scene in an early episode that's straight out of The Bachelor. The whole thing has a very America's Next Top Model-set-at-Elle-magazine vibe, and -- surprise! -- the shows share an executive producer.
Speaking of manufactured drama:
Kenley pouts and sulks her way through the finale, talks back to Tim and then gets her come-uppance when Tim turns out to be the guest judge at Fashion Week. Kenley: "Maybe I should have improved my attitude." Ya think? But it doesn't matter, because in the end, her rip-offs of Alexander McQueen and Balenciaga did her in. More importantly, this season is finally over, so we all win!
The Rachel Zoe Project
Rachel's husband Rodger shops for a vintage Porsche speedster as a gift for Rachel's birthday. Rodger: "It's the same one that Dylan McKay drove on Beverly Hills, 90210." Later in the episode, Rodger comes out of the closet. OK, I made up that last part.
The Real Housewives of Atlanta
Kim throws a series of events to celebrate her daughter's 11th birthday, including a fashion show, two birthday parties and a hotel sleepover. Who does she think she is, Paris Hilton? Kim also has a $2,000 cake flown in from California and gives her daughter a $1,600 Louis Vuitton purse. A better idea might have been to save the cash for the kid's future therapy bills. (10 p.m. Tuesdays, Bravo)
Rock of Love Charm School
Raven distances herself from the other girls because she thinks she's smarter than they are. "I'm not being boastful or brashful," she says, as she brags about her job at JP Morgan. So not only does she suck at vocabulary, but she actually thinks working at a financial institution in the current economy is a smart idea. (9 p.m. Sundays, VH1)
Hef dresses up as a devil for Halloween at the Playboy Mansion. Considering that his newest "girlfriends" are 19-year-old blonde twins with a criminal record, that sounds about right to me. (10 p.m. Sundays, E!)
Kimora's publicist panics about getting celebrities to show up at her fashion show. "We have no guests confirmed, this is crazy. Think socialites, even! Think, like, Tinsley Mortimer, Olivia Palermo, Lydia Hearst! I mean, if we don't have any celebrities confirmed, then we don't have a show." Wait! I saw this on an episode of Gossip Girl. Jenny Humphrey needs to rearrange the seating chart to include Serena Van Der Woodsen and Poppy Lifton! (10:30 p.m. Sundays, E!)