Runway Recap: Presenting The "What The Hell Is That?" Gold Medal

In perhaps the timeliest challenge ever, Project Runway designers were charged Wednesday night with creating ensembles that could be worn by United States athletes during opening ceremonies of the Olympic games. To garner inspiration, Tim Gunn took the "fashletes" on a field trip to The Armory Track & Field Center Museum, which contained myriad historical photographs. (We were the only ones that were shocked that Daniel had never, ever seen an opening ceremony in his life? "I'm guessing someone holds a flame and runs around a track field." Has he ever owned a TV?)Apolo Ohno, whom Heidi Klum called "one of the most stylish gold medalists ever" told the fashletes about the challenge and served as a guest judge. (And eye candy.) So in honor of this sporting challenge, we present the special medal ceremony recap of Project Runway."I'll Be Ready For Botox by Age 25" medal: No shocker here, it's Blayne! "Other people go to the gym, I go tanning. ... In tanning, I am an Olympic athlete. It only goes to a bronze medal. ... I'm getting paler and paler and weaker and weaker. By the end of the season, I'm going to be like, frail, white." And while I'm curious to see the eventual Caucasian version of Blayne, I really don't need to see any more of his underwhelming designs. I think he's coasted through this thing so far, don't you?"Cry Me a River" medal: Gosh, Joe, I hope you left some Kleenex for the rest of the designers with all that whining. "My workspace is right behind Daniel and Kenley, and they're constantly laughing and making jokes. You get the sense that there really isn't any consideration for anyone else." God forbid anyone actually have fun during a 15-hour work day.

Also, Joe got his token-straight-man-panties in a bunch because Daniel hopped on an empty sewing machine that Joe had been using 10 minutes before. Even though there were tons of other empty stations, Joe complained to everyone around him. "For the last three challenges, I've used that machine. He didn't seem to be that concerned about that." Then he had the nerve to say "There's too much drama because there are too many queens around." Drama? Puh-lease. Insert your own pot/kettle joke here.

"I Owe You a Drink" medal: This one is awarded to PR producers, who barely even showed Suede tonight. He did manage to squeeze out the word "wackadoodle" before I could hit mute, though."I'm a Poser" medal: Did you see how much cream was in Stella's coffee? She's a fraud! A real toughie would drink it straight up. No sugar, no cream. Period."I've Converted My Wardrobe Entirely to Transparent Shirts" medal: Hey, Heidi. Those better be Victoria's Secret bras we're seeing every week."What the Hell is That?" medal: If we could give Jerell two of these medals, we would. First, his monstrosity of an outfit was way too busy. Coco Chanel once said that when accessorizing, a person should take off the last thing they put on. Jerell's model should have taken off the last four or five items -- starting with that ridiculous sun hat. Speaking of hats, did you see Jerell's at elimination? What the hell is that? I'll tell you: It was the product of a mating session between a Boy Scout cap and a belly dancing medallion belt. He should have taken that thing off no matter what order in which it was put on."Master of Leatha" medal: Surprise! It's not Stella. Korto takes this prize, as well as the gold medal, with her winning, mostly-white outfit consisting of structured linen pants, and a lightweight leather vest with red and blue trim. Judges called it modern, Apolo liked the lightweight fabrics and Korto won the challenge and immunity next week.Disqualified -- no medal: Jennifer turns in another lame outfit that isn't even relevant to the challenge -- unless a jewel-neck navy blue cardigan and gold and white striped skirt make you think of track & field greatness. Too bad Daniel wasn't a judge this time. Based on his Olympic experiences, he probably thought it was a record-breaker.

Check out BuddyTV's take on this week's episode of Project Runway.