has announced she'll write a second book following the surprising success of her memoir, the unfortunately-named yet oddly fascinating sTori Telling. The new book will detail Tori's life as a paparazzi-hounded mother of two and is tentatively titled Mommyhood. You know, I've seen the early proofs for this book, only it's on TV and it's called Tori and Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood. Why would you read something when you can watch it on television? I'm just saying.
Personally, I'm holding out for the juicy tell-all after Tori reunites with Shannen Doherty and Jennie Garth on the set of The CW's upcoming 90210 spinoff. I heard Shannen and Jennie got into a fistfight on-set one time in the '90s. I "heard" this from Tori's first book. This time around, my money's on Jennie. She was on Dancing With The Stars and could probably do the Paso Doble on Shannen's face. Kidding. Sort of.
Speaking of 90210, nail polish giant OPI is reportedly planning to launch a limited edition collection of nail lacquers inspired by the cast of the original Beverly Hills, 90210. No word on whether the colors will include Black Like Brenda's Heart or Green With Envy (inspired by Andrea Zuckerman's crush on Brandon Walsh), but it seems as good a place as any to start.
Meanwhile, the original 90210's former network has revealed a new branding campaign built around the slogan "So Fox." I've actually been using this phrase for years, i.e. "Another copycat reality show? That's so Fox!" (See: Fox's The Next Great Champ vs. NBC's The Contender; Fox's Trading Spouses vs. ABC's Wife Swap; Fox's Don't Forget The Lyrics vs. NBC's The Singing Bee.) I'm not pointing fingers or anything, but if indeed the network ripped off the slogan, that would actually be "so Fox." Fox execs claim the tagline will allow the network to be "self-effacing" and poke fun at itself, apparently not realizing that's what everyone else has been doing for years. Late to the party: So Fox!
Speaking of poking fun:
Tori invites a "wisewoman" to her new home to cleanse its aura or something. She sprinkles fairy dust around the house and recommends buying protective quartz from Arkansas (seriously) to ward off evil forces: "There are too many eyes on you." No, lady, that's just the paparazzi. Later, she puts stabbed lemons in the closets to suck out the evil spirits. Note to Tori: Take lemons on set of 90210 to ward off Shannen Doherty. (10 p.m. Tuesdays, Oxygen)
Kathy Griffin takes her assistants to visit financial guru Suze Orman, whom she reveres almost as much as Oprah. Orman lectures Jessica about her decision to lease a car: "Listen, lease all you want. It's the stupidest thing you will ever do in your life." Jessica: "I don't think that'll be the stupidest thing I'd ever do." Oh, snap! In related news, Jessica's onscreen antics this season include getting wasted during an Anderson Cooper drinking game on New Year's Eve: "Five shots too many...five shots too many." (10 p.m. Thursdays, Bravo)
Date My Ex: Jo and Slade
The sprinklers unexpectedly come on during a golf-course date, dousing Jo and her suitor, Lucas. Jo: "What could have been the worst experience ever, Lucas turned into the most funnest thing in the world. I like that a lot about him." Safe to say, Lucas isn't sticking around for Jo's conversatoinal skills. Then again, here's what he did to turn a potential sprinkler catastrophe into the funnest thing in the world: He took his shirt off. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner! (9 p.m. Mondays, Bravo)
Heidi tells the designers that for their next challenge, Tim will take them out for a night on the town. Stella: "We all know Tim ain't taking us to his house, but I had a feeling we might go to some bar or restaurant, one of his favorite places." Sadly, this didn't end up being Red Lobster. Speaking of, where's Andrae? (9 p.m. Wednesdays, Bravo)
Ashley Paige: Bikini or Bust
Ashley contemplates online dating. "I wish I could meet a real man, that could build things and go camping and handle bills and do lots of things that I can't do." Other things Ashley can't do: Manage a business, pay her rent on time, move a rotting bathtub out of her store, stop whining. Hey, Ash, I'd like to introduce you to a bunch of men who live in the phone book. They're called contractors, accountants and movers. (11 a.m. Sundays, TLC)