So I'm telling my mom the other day about my grand scheme for child-rearing. I'm going to have a baby, keep the baby until it's eight or nine or so -- whenever they develop their own personalities and start asserting themselves -- and then I'm going to send this child to boarding school and not deal with it until it's an adult and prepared to make some sense. Because if my own child is anything like I was when I was a teenager, I want nothing to do with him or her. It'll just make my own mother too smug to watch me struggle against a teenager just like myself.
"See," I explained to my mother, "then the kid can't resent me, because I won't have been involved in any of the major decision-making processes in his or her life. There won't be anything he or she can hold against me." My mother glared at me, as mothers do. "Well, Mom," I said, "I'll call him on his birthday every year. It's not like I'm going to be totally absent."
I thought of this when I read that Kate Moss switched places with her daughter's nanny as a birthday present for the nanny.
The nanny -- on hols with Kate in Ibiza, looking after her daughter Lila Grace -- woke to a fancy showbiz brekkie of smoked salmon and champagne.
She was then wined and dined, taken out on a yacht and lavished with gifts.
So, once a year, Kate Moss spends time with her child while the nanny sleeps and gets drunk. The rest of the year, it's the other way around. This approach to motherhood, I feel, would work well for me.
Celebrity gossip with an evil twist.