This is sort of unfair because I've actually seen Hancock already. However, in the interest of disinformation I'm willing to take the journey on this one. We'll have a full review coming July 2nd when the film releases. Until then you'll have to make due with conjecture and deep thoughts re these Hancock pictures.
"I am good looking no matter what sort of silly face or hat they saddle me with. Just deal with it."
"Hey Charlize, we've got this 'eye candy' role for ya. Interested?"
If you look closely you'll see that Hooters just spent a couple hundred grand.
"Quit wasting time, Will Smith -- we need another hit rap song for Hancock a la 'Wild, Wild, West' or 'Men in Black!'" Sidenote: isn't it crazy that those songs were giant hits? Alas, the '90s were a simpler time.
"Here's the secret, kid -- pay attention. First off, ditch Jazzy Jeff. Yeah, it will hurt, but he's not being asked to star in sci-fi superhero films every July 4th, now is he? Next, don't ever play a villain, no matter how juicy the script. Heck, it worked for Hanks and Cruise, right? Finally, put your child in a film where you're both poor. It will humanize you. Then sit back and let the cash roll in. Viola!"
"My closed off body language indicates that we're only a few minutes into the movie. Do you think there's any chance that my story arc will involve some sort of transformation towards a positive contribution to society? Hmmm, intriguing."
Dear Jason Bateman,
Any chance you could just roll over this paycheck into some sort of Arrested Development film project? Thanks, that'd be great. Sincerely,
That's all for now. Hancock opens nationwide on Wednesday. Check back then for our scathing and bitter review. It's going to be a blast.