Shia LaBeouf vs. Jonathan Rhys Meyers: Who Ya Got?

Once again, it's a weekend battle of head-to-head stars. In this corner, we have Steven Spielberg's new favorite person in the world, and every girl's favorite piece of LaBeoufcake, Shia LaBeouf. And in this corner we have indie pretty-boy, Jonathan Rhys Meyers, in The Children of Huang Shi. Let's drop the cage. Two men enter! One man leaves!

In the box office this weekend: Winner = Shia

Are you kidding me? Are you #$*&ing kidding me? What do you think is gonna win the weekend? Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is not only going to take the weekend, but it has a shot at reigning king this summer. I'm not saying it WILL take the summer, but if I had to put my paycheck on it ...

In the critical arena: Winner = Shia

Indy might be taking a series of mixed reviews, but many are saying the same thing: Shia is one of the best parts of the film. Meyers can get 100% "Fresh" on Rotten Tomatoes all he wants, everyone is talking about Shia this weekend. And it's almost all very positive.

In their careers: Winner = Shia

Meyers is building a very solid indie career with his incredible range, talent, and charisma. But Shia has been anointed from on high by Spielberg himself. But despite the Spielberg's intimation that Shia is the next Brando, he isn't. He's the next John Cusack. He's that golly-gosh-gee-willickers boy-next-door that will be making women swoon for the next 20 years of his life. He will reign supreme in any and all rom-coms he takes on, and will occasionally find himself a juicy indie or thriller role to remind dudes why it's okay to like him. You know, just like John Cusack has done since the '80s. He's gonna be A-list for a long time. Meyers needs to find a big breakout role and soon if he wants to take a similar position. But my guess is that he's going to stay a staple go-to indie guy that maintains serious cred equal to his great talent.

In a fight: Winner = Meyers

He's Irish. That trumps anything that LaBeouf brings to the table. Unless these two are fighting in a Walgreens. I might give them even odds there. Yes, there they would be even-Steven.

Winner = Shia

He's arrived.