The first few months of the year are usually a dumping ground for bad movies, and 2008 has been no exception. We're in the middle of May now, so let's name our picks for the five worst movies of the year so far, one for each month.
January: Meet the Spartans
The untalented cretins behind Epic Movie and Date Movie served up their annual bag of crap with this brain-dead spoof of 300. They also threw in references -- not jokes, but references -- to everything big in pop culture from the last year, hoping we would laugh because we recognized them. It didn't work.
January runner-up: First Sunday
February: Witless Protection
This Larry the Cable Guy vehicle isn't just excruciating, nonsensical, idiotic, unfunny, badly conceived, badly written, badly acted, and badly directed, it's also racist, cruel, and soulless. I'm not worried about insulting Larry's fans, though, they can't read anyway.
February runner-up: Welcome Home, Roscoe Jenkins
March: College Road Trip
How did Martin Lawrence ever convince anyone that he was funny? And how has no one caught on yet that he isn't?
March runner-up: Never Back Down
April: Chapter 27
Now here's a movie that made me laugh! Unfortunately, it's a serious drama. It's about Mark David Chapman, the guy who killed John Lennon, and he's played by a fattened, whining Jared Leto. Imagining there's no heaven is pretty easy when you're sitting through this.
April runner-up: Prom Night
May: Made of Honor
A romantic comedy for women in which every single female character is shallow, stupid, or the object of ridicule, and the male lead is a selfish sleaze ball -- a selfish sleaze ball who gets what he wants in the end. Way to speak to your audience, Hollywood! Nice work!
May runner-up: Speed Racer. But the month isn't over yet, and there's still a Uwe Boll movie on the horizon ...
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Eric D. Snider (website) hasn't forgotten about you, 10,000 B.C., so don't get too smug.