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The Siren Call of the Lifetime Original Movie

Last weekend I passed a pleasant Sunday afternoon watching a marathon of Lifetime movies with perfect in the title. From The Perfect Daughter to The Perfect Neighbor, they were all completely cheesy and predictable, featuring families (men, in particular, and Perry King in two cases) put in peril by the title character, who unsurprisingly turned out to be anything but perfect. I was able to blissfully nap through an hour of The Perfect Marriage, secure in the knowledge that when I woke up, I would be able to easily pick up the story again. I woke up just in time to see the plucky co-worker get to the bottom of things just in time to save William R. Moses from Jamie Lunar as the scheming wife.

I do this every once in awhile. A few months ago I watched eight Lifetime movies in one weekend. God help me, one of them even starred Tara Reid. I wouldn't normally confess this shameful habit, but I'm doing so in the interest of public service. I know I'm not the only intelligent woman with decent taste who can't resist the siren call of the Lifetime original movie. I think it is because they are such a mindless escape from our busy, stressful lives. When I was in college, I knew several very smart girls who devoured trashy romance novels between their course readings to unwind. I think Lifetime movies serve the same purpose for me. There's something comforting about knowing that everything is going to turn out just fine (although an obnoxious meddling neighbor or assistant might get knocked off along the way). They're the televised equivalent of macaroni and cheese (with extra cheese).

Lifetime often broadcasts original movies on weekday afternoons (there is no better way to spend a sick day), frequently runs a bunch back-to-back on Saturday and Sunday. Here are my picks for the coming week (see Lifetime's schedule for times in your region and more movie choices):

Monday: Dead by Sunset

Ken Olin kills his wife to get custody of his kids, but he can't fool his new girlfriend.

Tuesday: Locked in Silence

Based on a true story! A psychologist tries to get the truth out of a kid who witnessed a murder.

Wednesday: Not My Life

Stars Meredith Monroe as a woman who is kidnapped by her doctor during a routine checkup. He continues drugging her so she develops amnesia and forgets her real family.

Saturday: I Me Wed

Fed up with nosy family and friends, a woman decides to get married to herself, then proceeds to meet the perfect guy.

Sunday: Two Lifetime classics! Mom at Sixteen (the title is self-explanatory; let's just say it's no Juno), followed by Nora Robert's Montana Sky, based on the novel by the popular romance novelist.

Of course, if you can't get enough Lifetime movies on the original network, you can always get yourself a cable package that includes Lifetime Movie Network. In my case, I think it's better that I don't have it; My sister and I once stayed at a hotel in Disney World where we had it in our room, and it almost made us late for the parks.

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Amy Kane spends as much quality time with her television as possible, when she's not busy at her day job as a cube dweller.

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