Project Runway: What a Model Looks Like Wearing Only Twizzlers

After a two-week break to give people time to do important things with their life like shop, receive gifts, and eat Christmas hams, Project Runway’s fourth season returned this week. The designers were given one of this season’s coolest challenge so far, too, which isn’t really saying much considering how lousy most of the challenges have been. Saying this week’s challenge was the best so far is like saying you’re the fastest dude in a one-legged dude running contest, if you follow my meaning. When you think about it, though, a one-legged dude running contest would be pretty cool to watch, or at least pretty funny to watch, and so was this week’s Project Runway.

The designers were charged with creating exciting, wearable designs from materials found in the Hershey’s Time Square restaurant gift center – which means things like candy, candy, candy, candy, candy, things that candy comes in, and pillows that look like candy. Most were excited by this scenario, but none more so, it seemed, than Elisa who apparently lives in a fantastical place no other human being except Richard Gere has ever visited. “How can you not want to make things with that sort of magic, magic, magic?” she asked. Christian’s apropos response: “Great. We’re going to make shit out of candy.”

With one day to complete their radical, super-sweet looks, the designers went to work. From the start, overachiever Jillian opted to be the only designer to use edible product in her outfit, which means she actually set out to make an outfit out of Twizzlers. Her model was hot already. I didn’t need her covered in candy to want to…okay, not going there. In other news, Elisa revealed to indifferent viewers at home that she was hit by a Porsche in England a couple of years back and spent three months in a hospital there instead of opening the tee-shirt line she had skipped across the pond for. Project Runway is her chance to recapture some of the career she might’ve had.

As always, Rami shined. Christian did, too, though Kevin admitted he pretty much wanted to kill him every moment of every day, which I’m hoping he eventually makes a reality and, after doing so, shouts something like, “This. Is. Spartaaaa!” God, I loved that movie. Thanks to , I’m now forced to wonder when Bill and Ted kidnapped King Leonidas from the past, brought him to the present, and abandoned him in a garment factory.

After much headache and self-loathing, Jillian eventually created her confectionary look and got her model on the runway, just in time to take second-place with her licorice bustier. Rami took top honors for the second time, while Chris, in a remarkable turn of subdued taste, took the third spot in the top triumvirate. At the bottom were the control-freak Victorya, the startlingly uncreative Sweet P, and, the ultimate loser, Elisa – whose bizarre chocolate-colored Gretel dress was ironically un-magical compared to her initial response to candy as inspiration. Though I admit I kind of liked Elisa, in the end she revealed herself to be too crazy even for me, leaving with these parting words: “These experiences evolved my whole time here. Everybody contributed to helping me grow in a way that will help fortify my work for the rest of my life.”

I don’t even know what that means, but I know it’s crazy. Sayonara, Elisa.