Pull on those overalls, politicos. Have grandma bake up a batch of those scrumptious Cornflake Crispies and nuke some popcorn. Call over your campaign team, and get ready to get hammered like Hillary Clinton on her Iraq war vote.
For your drinking pleasure (and please do drink responsibly; this is the future of our nation), we present, the Iowa Caucus Drinking Game.
Everyone at your Iowa Caucus party should choose first-choice and second-choice candidates, in case their first doesn't get enough support to qualify. In the latter case, you just switch and keep drinking.
So, as you watch TV, here's when you drink:
- Any time you actually see your candidate, live on camera, not a pre-recording. (1 sip)
- Any time someone on TV claims your candidate's going to win despite clearly being down in the polls. (2 sips)
- Any time someone on TV names your candidate as a possible second choice. (2 sips)
- Any time a reporter names the exact amount of money your candidate has spent on any type of advertisement. (1 sip)
- Any time a video is played on YouTube about your candidate. (1 sips)
- Any time the word "grassroots" is mentioned regarding any candidate. (Everyone sips)
- Any time someone discusses the implications of a female candidate. (1 sip)
- Any time someone references Clinton's line, "I'm your gal. (2 sips)
- One sip if you see Bill Clinton, two sips if you see Hillary's mom, three sips if you see Chelsea Clinton, five sips if you see the whole family together.
- Any time Oprah is mentioned. (1 sip, or 2 sips if you actually see footage)
- Any time someone gets his name wrong. (2 sips, or finish the drink if someone actually uses his middle name, Hussein)
- Someone mentions his working class background. (1 sip)
- Ann Coulter's name is mentioned. (1 sip, or finish the drink if she actually is on TV and starts bashing Edwards or his wife directly)
- Any time someone uses the term Hispanic or Latino. (1 sip)
- Any time someone mentions his "experience." (1 sip)
- If Richardson again denies he'd accept the vice presidential nomination, finish the drink.
Joseph Biden, Chris Dodd, Dennis Kucinich, Mike Gravel:
- Sip if they're mentioned at all.
- Any time anyone gets his name wrong, e.g., "Hucklebee." (1 sip)
- Any time Jesus Christ is mentioned. (1 sip)
- Any reference to Chuck Norris is made. (2 sips)
Note: All sips should be doubled because you're drinking for yourself and Romney, a teetotaler.
- Any time Mormonism is mentioned. (1 sip)
- Any of his four sons or eight grandchildren show up on screen. (1 sip for each)
- Any time 9/11, terrorism or the World Trade Center is mentioned. (1 sip each, and prepare to get plastered)
- Any time he's described as a Vietnam veteran, POW, maverick or a straight talker. (1 sip)
- Any time his age is mentioned. (3 sips)
- Any time Ron Paul Revolution is left out of discussion or charts.
- Any time he's described as a Law & Order actor.
- Any time some speculates he'll be dropping out after Iowa.