This week on Project Runway, the heavens parted, angels sang like a thousand Josh Grobans, and God said, "It is good again. Finally. Seriously, what took you guys so long? I know I'm omnipotent, but do I really have to do everything myself?"
According to reports from St. John, God was mightily peeved that almost every single episode of this season was about as entertaining to Him as watching a "worst of" collection of the previous seasons combined. I have to agree with God on this one, but, like Him, I found last week's and, more specifically, this week's episode rather like catching a glimpse of the Almighty. It was reality television at its best, with the designers challenged to create prom dresses for a bunch of silly Catholic schoolgirls from New Jersey. Why New Jersey? Who knows? Maybe there's a dearth of prom dress stores in the Garden State. Anyways, the challenge, which was initially greeted with disappointed laughter by the designers, created some of the best drama I've seen on the show in quite some time. I don't mean people slap-fighting each other or Ricky crying again and then again or Christian finally getting stuffed into a large duffel bag and dropped into the Hudson River, but real drama that comes from a tough challenge falling apart in some of the most talented designers' faces.
Nobody got hit harder than the wunderkind, Christian, who, like his competition, had to contend with teenage girls who a.) don't realize they're not shaped like adults, and b.) don't realize they're not adults yet either. Hell, just about all of them wanted plunging necklines and plunging backs that dropped below anything decent outside of the Bunny Ranch. Not everyone can dress like Jennifer Lopez, girls. In Christian's case, his client, Maddie, apparently took design for two years in high school and thought she could tell him how to make a dress she'd look great in. In trying to oblige her, he made her look like some kind of fat brown explosion of fabric and ended up in the bottom three. For once, I don't think it was his fault, but judge Nina Garcia didn't appreciate his lack of "finesse or tact" in blaming his client's taste when he should have imposed his point of view more.
Christian wasn't the only top designer out of the competition to score low with the judges this week either. Jillian qualified and left the stage with no fanfare, but Rami and Kevin were booted to the bottom three along with Christian. Rami had refused to design for a young girl, giving her an inappropriately sophisticated look, while Kevin's client looked like a high-class hooker complete with hooker-red lipstick. Before a final decision was made, Sweet P surprised the judges with the challenge's second-best design, a dress a Grecian goddess might wear, and Victorya was named the challenge's winner and granted immunity despite the fact that I think hers was one of the worst designs of the night – and, quite literally, might have been stolen from an episode of the cartoon, Jem and the Holograms.
With Christian, Rami, and Kevin in the bottom three, it was impossible to predict what might happen. After all, how did they even get there, right? Michael Kors had even complained that Ricky, who just barely missed the bottom three, delivered the same boring work every week. This is what I was talking about earlier, folks: Drama. It ultimately came down to Christian and Kevin, but Kevin, King Leonidas himself, was sent packing. I imagine he's heading back to Sparta as you read this, to rally his army of 300 half-naked warriors to put Kors' head on a pike.
Whatever happens, at least it was entertaining. God and I were pleased.