You've heard that 2007 was a banner year for great movies, and indeed it was. But if you were concerned that this meant the number of awful movies had decreased, please don't be. Hollywood's rap sheet is as long as ever. Come with me, if you dare, as we count down the 10 worst films of 2007.
This movie makes some very good points. It turns out black people are fun and sexy while white people are racist and uptight. Now I know! [My review]
Ninety-five minutes of cars driving around really fast. It was conceived, produced, and bankrolled by millionaire real estate mogul Daniel Sadek as a vanity project for his girlfriend, and it's approximately as good as you would expect such a movie to be. [My review]
Rob Zombie is a black-hearted monster without an ounce of talent, and no amount of threatening, hateful emails from his fans can convince me otherwise. [My review]
I'm sorry, but if I'm going to watch Jack Bauer's daughter being tortured, I really need to see her caught in a bear trap and stalked by a cougar at some point. [My review]
There were a lot of unanswered questions at the end of the annoying kiddie comedy Are We There Yet?, so Ice Cube and friends graciously made a sequel. Whew! [My review]
5. Wild Hogs
Tim Allen, John Travolta, and Martin Lawrence all in one movie? Did the casting director somehow have access to my nightmares? [My review]
4. Delta Farce
Because "farce" sounds like "force," you see, and Delta Force is a part of the U.S. Army. It's a pun. Get it? Hello? Is this thing on? [My review]
You know your movie is bad when Robin Williams is in it and he's not even the most annoying thing about it. [My review]
Cuba Gooding Jr. answers the age-old question, "How bad does a sequel have to be for even Eddie Murphy to turn it down?" As for Cuba, no living actor is better at taking a bad film and making it completely unbearable. [My review]
In the category of "Movies That Are Based on a Line of Toy Dolls and That Feature Jon Voight," this one beats out Transformers for sheer awfulness. In fact, it beats out everything. It's a flat-out terrible abortive train wreck of a disastrous pile of worthless stupid garbage of an utter mess of a movie, and if you thought it was funny, then I have to assume you are a 12-year-old girl.
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Eric D. Snider didn't forget about Norbit; he just ran out of room.