The Hills: So. That Went Well.

I have to give Heidi some credit. Most of the portrayal we get of her lately is as the evil bitch, but I know what it feels like to lose a best friend because you did something crappy and stupid, and I felt for Heidi tonight, as she approached Lauren at the Declare Yourself event and tried to make amends. Now, I don't know what it feels like to have my best friend's boyfriend spread rumors about the size of my inner labia, but I have to give Lauren some credit, too, when she was basically like, "Hi and f*** you too." I imagine I'd react similarly.

Heidi later contacts Lauren via IM and asks if she can come over tonight to talk to her. Lauren reluctantly agrees. Spencer then "accidentally" finds the IM chat on his computer and reads it back to Heidi: his "verbatim" reading of the chat is notably different from what was shown on Lauren's computer during the actual chat. Come on, guys. You have like eighteen minutes of content to produce weekly. Get this stuff straight.

As fake as the show is, the feelings between Heidi and Lauren are real, and my heart goes out to both of them. Losing a best friend sucks so hard. Fortunately for me, when I basically laid prostrate and apologized to mine after months of failing to convince myself to hate her, she forgave me. Heidi was not so fortunate, even though she came over with a bouquet of flowers (cute!). You can tell this is killing Lauren -- she misses her friend, and the strain of hating Heidi is weighing on her -- but, while Heidi is willing to say she's sorry for all Lauren's been through, she's not willing to admit Spencer started the rumors, and she's not willing to admit that the man she's about to fake-marry is a huge jackass who's been not-so-subtly pointing semi-automatic media weapons at Lauren for the better part of a year.

So, Lauren, in all her Lauren wisdom, is like, "The only thing, really, that there is to do is to forgive and forget. So, I really do, I wanna forgive you. And I want to forget you." Boo-yah. This is why this show is so damn successful. I don't know if they're feeding her lines like this, or if she's coming up with them herself, but, either way, you gotta love some Lauren Conrad. Heidi wishes her a nice life and storms out.

Meanwhile, I don't know what or who Sean Kingston's been doing over in the MTV bathrooms, but he continues to get totally unnecessary plugs. This week, he got an entire unnecessary subplot, with Audrina unnecessarily helping him out at some stupid Jimmy Kimmel appearance. So unnecessary. Jimmy Kimmel, I mean. As well as this subplot. And Audrina's tan level changes like eight times over the course of this episode, much to my amusement. Oh, and Justin Bobby burps a lot. If this guy has any redeeming qualities, I haven't seen them. Audrina's been seen out and about lately with Abercrombie & Fitch model Tyson Paige, so I'm hoping we'll see the reality TV death of Justin Bobby soon. He is so gross.

Stay tuned for next week, as we continue to get absolutely no resolution of anything at all.

The Evil Beet

Celebrity gossip with an evil twist.