There’s nothing worse than tuning in to a television show about hot women competing to see who’s the hottest and finding yourself bored. Last night’s episode of America’s Next Top Model damn near put me to sleep. Seriously, how hard is it to make seven squabbling women and Tyra Banks seem interesting? Apparently, very.
The episode, "The Girl Who Starts to Lose Her Cool," could’ve more appropriately been called, "The Girl Named Heather Who Flips Out and Still Comes Out Smelling Like Roses Because, No Matter How Hard Her Competitors Try to Knock Down the Weird ‘Autistic Girl,’ She’s Still Going to Kick All Their Asses and Walk Home America’s Next Top Model." Of course, after last night, there are still five more models for Heather to trounce on, but I have little doubt she’ll wind up victorious in the long run.
Things kicked off with a mini-challenge of sorts, with a jewelry spread in Seventeen magazine as the prize. Each model was paired with a designer in fashion school, and charged with inspiring said designer to create a dress that embodies their personality. In other words, the show infused a little Project Runway into the proceedings. The results were mixed, with some of the models, like Bianca the Bitch, using their attitude to make up for poor design and others, like Heather and Lisa, freezing on the runway when they had to explain why their dress is an expression of them.
There’s no real excuse for Lisa, but I think, with regard to Heather, we’re finally getting to see the extent to which her Asperger’s Syndrome affects her life. The socially awkward girl is not exactly at home with a house full of women, many of which, like Bianca the Bitch, spend inordinate amounts of time talking behind her back about how she’s just a "pretty face." After the challenge – which Saleisha won, and chose Bianca the Bitch and Lisa to join her in the shoot – Heather went on to call dibs on the shower, only to have Saleisha and Lisa beat her to it. Pissed off, Heather went ape shit, charged into the shower with them, and, instead of helping soap everybody down – a surefire way to make any fight more entertaining – kicked everybody out.
The second half of the episode was devoted to a desert shoot. The models were "abandoned" and chased after the bus, seemingly confused. But this should just serve to remind us all that this is not entirely reality; the scene was so obviously staged. It makes you question how directed everything else is in the show.
Soon after, the models are "discovered" and each were made to pose in front of a burning car with looks of despair and, you know, hotness on their faces. Last week’s winner, Lisa, screwed up again, and Chantal offered up her best photo to date. Bianca the Bitch stunned, too, practically shooting daggers into the lens with her eyes. Her arch-nemesis, Heather, on the other hand, flopped for a second time. Of course, this doesn’t really matter since, as the judges soon revealed, she’s their darling and can do no wrong.
When the models were brought before the judges, a Chinese dragon and sword-wielding monks burst in. Turns out the show is going to China – everybody scream! And the models did, until Tyra reminded them that, after the judges convened, she’d reveal who was not going to China. Not cool, Tyra. Not cool.
In the end, it was Ambreal – a model the judges agreed was not cut out for modeling – who was sent packing, two weeks after she received a stay of execution. Lisa, the other model with her head on the chopping block, went back to join the rest of the girls with tears in her eyes.