The fourth season of Project Runway premiered last night, and, let me tell you, I was glued to my television set. You know, except for the ten minutes I spent making a margarita and gulping half of it down before hitting play again on the ole DVR. Consequently, I’m a little bit tipsy as I write this and, well, still a little pissed off by the fact that host Heidi Klum will not be preggers this season. I know I have to get over it, but I’ve got to say I’m really hoping she announces some joyous news somewhere around midseason. She’s just so that much hotter while with child, which, okay, I admit is kind of weird for me to say. I’m okay with it, though.
In typical reality television fashion, the new cast was rolled out with quick introductions to give us a taste of what their individual personas will be for the rest of the season. You know, like, “Hi, I’m Gay Jack, I’m super-ripped, and I know how good looking I am,” or, “All aboard, I’m Mexican Ricky, I like to make jokes about my nationality, and I won’t take off this silly train conductor’s hat no matter what you say, no I won’t, I won’t, I won’t!” This clichéd parade of BS, crafted by the creators of Real World is always so dishonest; it’s almost a waste to pay attention. So guess what? I’m not going to.
Instead, let’s just jump into the first challenge, which was an unexpected one since in past seasons the inaugural challenge of each season was to design something out of quirky materials like, say, vegetables. This time around, designers were asked to create something that showed who they were as designers. Most rose to the challenge, while a few revealed they probably didn’t know the answer to the judges’ question.
The designers hit the tables at Parsons School of Design with $50,000 worth of fabric and got busy with snipping away while a few out of the group, like the exceedingly obnoxious Christian – an over-cocky 21-year-old in need of a group beat-down – made snippy comments like, “I think there’s a lot of hand-sewn crap up in here.” The standout designer, and not necessarily in a good way, was Elisa. She was one of my favorites in a preview of this season that I predicted will reach the final three. Her over-the-top designs shocked everyone by just how different they were. That didn’t serve her well in the end, though.
After the new cast’s models strutted down the runway, another one of my favorites, Rami, was crowned the winner of this challenge, which is no surprise, considering how successful he is as a designer already. Christian, despite his smugness, was also a top favorite. The bottom three, however, were Mexican Ricky, who failed to wow anyone, but was nonetheless allowed to stay, Elisa, whose model actually tripped on her poorly constructed dress and had to carry the train – or “train wreck” (puns are funny, kids) – back, and the season’s first big, stinking loser, Simone, whose bland, uncompleted dress had to be sewn onto her model. She now has to go home and be made fun of behind her back for the next year of her life for being the first designer kicked off any season of Project Runway or, hell, any reality competition. How embarrassing. Now, time for another margarita…