This Week's Heroes Highlights

The ridiculous detour with Peter Petrelli among petty thieves in Cork, Ireland, gets even sillier, as Peter gets suckered into helping with a minor heist of a bookie shop and overhears That English Guy From Enterprise thinking he's gonna pull one over on his brother, That American Actor With the Terrible Irish Accent. Blarney ensues.

In Mexico, Maya and her brother have the brilliant idea to try to steal a car -- apparently all these evolutionary talents don't bestow any increased intelligence -- and they get busted. Doh!

Oh, hey! Niki and Michah are back! Hoorah! They visit D.L.'s grave then light out of Vegas for parts unknown.

Oh, hey! Sylar's not dead! As if we're surprised. He's recovering from a samurai sword in the gut with That Girl Who Makes Illusions. He thinks he's waking up on a beach, but he's really in the grodiest-looking surgery imaginable. You'd had to have superpowers not to succumb to some kind of nasty staph infection in this place.

Sylar Is Back On 'Heroes' 

The Bennets in California. Now, call me crazy, but does no one wonder how Mr. Bennet, who apparently works in a copy shop, can afford that 5,000-square-foot McMansion? Also, Claire is worried that Superboy saw her extreme pedicure in the last episode.

It's Two Men and a Little Lady with Matt and Mohinder and Molly. One man's a cop who can read minds. The other's the ohmigod-hottest doctor since David Tennant. Can they share a seedy apartment with the moppet without driving each other crazy?

Ando gets burned playing video games at work, then discovers a message from Hiro in the past hidden in the Kensei sword. "Greetings from medieval Japan! Wish you were here!" And so Ando gets a story-so-far catch-up on the Kensei tale: He's a white guy in Japan, he's kind of a jerk, and he has Wolverine's healing powers. Cool.

Whoa. Milo Ventimiglia has so totally been working out over the break, as we can clearly see as he tries to figure out how to make his go-go-gadget powers turn on.

Alejandro discovers how not fun a Mexican jail is.

Superboy embarrasses Claire in biology class, and she runs out of in a huff. Nice way to stay inconspicuous, Claire Bear.

Hiro's scrolls continue: He's been playing Cyrano to Kensei's Christian in the wooing of the Pretty Japanese Girl. Kensei's pretty much interesting in nothing but slicing himself open in order to watch himself heal, and then in using his powers for his own enrichment. Hiro gets him back on the hero track.

Claire goes all "I'm a freak, okay!" on Superboy. In response to her vulnerable honesty and cheerleader blondness, he reveals his powers to Claire. He can fly, and he can shamelessly steal romantic gestures from Christopher Reeve. Teenage lust ensues.

Peter helps the phony Irish guys rob the bookies, and the Irish guys reveal how stupid they are: they don't wear masks, yet they obviously have no intent to kill the security guards they 'jack. As a real Irishman would say, "They're eejits!" Oh, and Peter does one of his powers things, which turns on the Irish girl.

Mohinder's new lab in New York turns out to be Isaac Mendez's old studio -- way to recycle a set, NBC. Mohinder's Creepy Boss Guy informs Mohinder that he will be under constant surveillance, but that Mohinder should interpret this as love.

Hiro discovers that playing Cyrano is a whole lotta no fun when you start falling in love with the wooee.

Niki drops Micah off in New Orleans, at the home of Lieutenant Uhuru, who is some sort of "family." Wow: Mr. Sulu and now Uhuru. I'm guessing she'll turn out to be one of those original eight heroes who are getting offed by the guy in the hood, who I'll call "Unabomber." Niki is off to do something bad, and even Micah knows it.

Maya rescues her brother from jail. This is even less fun that staying in jail, since it involves that whole bleeding-black-from-the-eyes stuff. They escape with an American guy in his Nissan Rogue, which is either Claire's stolen car or else NBC is getting real shameless with the product placement.

The dumb Irish guys divvy up their loot, and That English Guy From Enterprise does indeed try to pull a fast one. He shoots Peter, who recovers instantly -- a bullet gets shoved out of a meaty hole in Peter's newly buff chest in one nice close-up -- and puts an Emperor Palpatine chokehold on That English Guy From Enterprise. The Irish girl stops Peter just before anyone goes quite over to the dark side of the Force.

Hiro, his job done and Kensei's history back on track, tells Kensei he's going home. And then Hiro doesn't go home. Cuz NBC spent a ton of money on all that samurai armor, and by god, they're gonna get a few more episodes out of it.

Back in the hut "hospital," Sylar discovers that he no longer has any of his stolen powers, and he's also wildly ungrateful to That Girl Who Makes Illusions, who made him eggs for breakfast and everything. Her riposte is ill-chosen, however. She tries to seduce him and he decides he likes her mastery of illusion so much that he will steal it from her. But psych! It doesn't work! He can't use her power. (I suspect we'll learn he has actually stolen it and will be able to access it at some plot-convenient point in the future.) In his horror, he runs outside and discovers he's on the Lost island.

Peter has now been accepted by the Irish "eejits" and the girl welcomes him with a tattoo, which is like a hospitable cup of tea, only more painful. That American Actor With the Terrible Irish Accent gives Peter the box he promised in the last episode, the one with supposedly all of Peter's information in it. Peter is horrified to think that he might turn out to be a bad person, and so he avoids that terrible fate by remaining a bad person who robs bookies and Emperor Palpatine's people. The girl kisses him; the Celtic-knot tattoo turns into the Kensei symbol; and I'm wondering whether this new season of Heroes hasn't already jumped the shark.

Claire and Superboy sit on the beach and like so totally fall in love talking about their powers. Awwww. But then he tells her a sad story about being kidnapped by a scary man with horn-rimmed glasses, which upsets Claire because her father is the only man alive who wears horn-rimmed glasses.

Mohinder snoops around his new lab and discovers one of the Mendez paintings depicting the murder of one of The Eight. Meanwhile Creepy Boss Guy takes a phone call... from Niki, who believes he has a cure for her. He's all, "No prob!" but he wants something from her in exchange.

Mohinder jpegs an image of the painting to Mr. Bennet. It depicts the death of... Mr. Bennet! Or some other man with horn-rimmed glasses, except, of course, there aren't any. (Cue ominous music.)

Next week: Molly wakes up screaming. Supposedly she has the answers for everything: who the new Sylar is, what the old Sylar is up to, who The Eight are, just gol dang everything. My prediction: No mysteries will get solved next week, and this will drag on for 19 more episodes.


MaryAnn Johanson (email me)

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