Britney Spears Wants Overnight Visits with Kids

I think Britney Spears woke up in the middle of the night recently and was like, "Where are my kids? What do ya'll mean they took 'em away? The little stinky people? They're gone? Crap, ya'll. Did ya'll know that all along? Why didn't someone tell me?"

And then people stared at her kind of dumbfounded and finally someone was like, "Um, well, yeah. You didn't take your drug tests and you don't show up at court and you're generally not at all in the running for Mother of the Year and Jesus Christ, Britney, you make Kevin Federline look amazing."

And then Britney was like, "Shoot. This is totally worse than that acid I stole from Andy Dick. What do I do to get those critters back?"

So Brit-Brit's passed her most recent few drug tests, and, pending the results of her ability to wake up before noon, will appear in court at 8:30 am tomorrow to ask the judge to grant her overnight visits with the kiddos.

Did somebody say paparazzi field day?

Oh, yes.



The Evil Beet

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