Writing the Campaign Speeches

Dick and Daniele weren't terribly likely to engage in a lot of negative campaigning during jury questioning. And I'm even curious about whether they felt constrained about talking up their own virtues for fear it might come across as negative about the other (there's been speculation that Dick will try to throw the finals by acting like a jerk before the jury, or by more or less overtly urging support for Daniele).

But I've given some thought to the most fruitful arguments the two finalists could potentially come up with, and this is what I have:

Daniele

1. I was the best at competitions. No one else was under peril as much as I was, and the more I won, the more peril I was in, because my target got bigger and bigger. But I won 2 vetoes while on the block, the last one at the final four when everyone knew I was gone unless me or Dick won it. I tied Janelle's veto record, and everyone likes Janelle, right? (Shut up, Eric.)

2. I was friendly with all of you. Which is a non-"negative" way of saying that none of you had to scurry away to the Head of Household room for fear that I would use any choice 4-letter or 12-letter words to describe you, or disrupt your sleep. Even though I had a hand in evicting all of you, I never went after any of you personally or made your final days in the house unpleasant. Zach, I'm sure you remember that I was the one person who tried to keep you involved after all your allies were gone--the rest of them only talked to you when they needed something.

3. I was more hardcore than my father. As ferocious as he could be, I would submit that I was the tougher player when it came to making hard decisions. It was me who convinced him of the need to take out Jessica when Dick balked at being seen as the bad guy breaking a deal (remember Jessica: strategic, not personal). I was the one who smelled a rat when Eric started talking up evicting Nick.

4. The money would change my life. Look, my dad is Evel Dick. He's going to be one of the rare people to leave this house and parlay it into a career as an actual D-list celebrity. But even if I win, no one is going to much remember me outside of the Big Brother community. If you vote for me, you can in essence reward two people, because he's a winner anyway. Give me the money so I can return to school to fulfill my dream of becoming a social worker among the Salvadoran immigrant community in southern California [note: keep in mind that a lot of lying goes on in campaign speeches].

Dick

1. Daniele may have won more competitions, but I won the key ones. I'm sure by now Zach has told you how I almost killed myself during the first part of the last HoH competition, and then got off the mat to win the final 2 segments. I also won [spit] the last HoH before that in which I competed, coming from behind to beat Eric. I won the veto when both me and Daniele were on the block, and risked eviction myself to save her. Obviously, if I don't win that, we're not both here right now.

2. The strategy and tactics that got me and Daniele to the end were primarily my doing. I was the one who put together the Late Night Crew, and without the LNC, most of you jurors wouldn't have gotten this far. You can complain about my intimidation tactics, but the fact is that they got results. I agreed to realign with Eric and Jessica even after being at Eric's throat for 2 weeks, an unusual move in this game and one that worked. Time and again I was able to knock players off their games prior to competitions. I had the idea of making a quick side deal with Jameka, just in case she happened to finally win something at the final four. I was always thinking game.

3. Admit it: you liked around hanging around with me. You all were sitting around that jury house wondering how you could have let the two of us stay, and I can tell you the reason: you all wanted to be close to the center of the action in the house, and that was me. I made you all feel important when you were in my company. Daniele, well, she kept to herself more. I will admit angering all of you more than she did, but I gave you more good times too.

4. The money would change Daniele's life. Look, Daniele is a good person...for a girl. But I came up in the rock 'n roll world. I've seen firsthand what happens when very young people come into money at too young an age, money they haven't really earned. The second-place money would be a major deal for Daniele at this phase of her life; it would pay for lots of new plastic surgery. But it would be the sort of prize she could handle. With $500,000 in her hot little hands, we'd have another Paris Hilton on the streets of L.A., and who really wants that? (Shut up, Zach.) Give that prize money to a mature adult who has sown his wild oats and can process it correctly.

Wow, while writing this I pretty much convinced myself Dick should win this. But I still don't think he will...although if he really sold himself to the jurors, he just might have found a way. I don't have much doubt that a Dick who really wanted it could run rings around Daniele with the jury, if for no other reason that he thrives under pressure and conflict. But how badly did he want it?


VMAs 2018