Paris Hilton's Got a New Man

Most of the time I'm far from jealous of Miss Hilton, but when she lands dudes like this, I get a little bit annoyed.

This guy is seriously hot. He's a huge improvement over that Desperate Housewives kids.

His name's Alex Vaggo, he's -- according to InTouch -- a Swedish tourist, which kind of sounds like a kinky sex position. Like, "Look, I don't want you to think I'm weird or anything, it's just something I've always sorta wanted to try ... will you do Swedish tourist with me?"

Anyway, Par-Par met him through mutual friends, and now I guess they're bumping uglies. Or doing the Swedish tourist. Whatever the kids are calling it these days.

I have to take this moment to relay a conversation I had with my grandfather yesterday.

Grandpa: So you must be busy these days, with OJ Simpson and Britney's meltdown.

Me: Yes, Grandpa, there are plenty of stories lately.

Grandpa: That Britney, she needs to get herself a good therapist.

Me: Yes, she certainly does.

Grandpa: Although I guess it's good she's going through so much drama, because Paris and Lindsay, they're really behaving themselves these days.

Me: [laugh hysterically]

Grandpa: Well it's true, they're both staying out of trouble.

Me: Grandpa, how do you know these things?

Grandpa: I read the paper, sweetie.

Anyway, enjoy these pics of Paris's new man.

The Evil Beet

Celebrity gossip with an evil twist.