Head to Head: Lisa vs. Lohan vs. Zeta-Jones

Once again, it's a weekend battle of head to head stars. And this week it's a triple header! In this corner, we have Mrs. Michael Douglas and the queen of T-Mobile, Catherine Zeta Jones. And in this corner we have everyone's favorite reason we cut the Evil Beet a paycheck, Lindsay Dee Lohan. Last, but certainly not least, we have the most animated of the three, Lisa Simpson. You know the rules. Let's drop the cage. Three women enter! One woman leaves!

In the box office this weekend: Winner – Simpson. Are you kidding me? Do you know anyone not planning to see The Simpsons Movie anytime soon? Versus a chick flick and a rated R horror film? Lisa all the way.

In the critical arena: Winner – Jones. While her movie certainly isn't the flashiest of the three, it's heartwarming, endearing and is gonna be loved by everyone lacking a "Y" Chromosome. It also happens to be so good that even the males walk out liking it. The other two films have been held back for last minute screenings, while Warner Bros. seems to feel like they can't show No Reservations enough. Meanwhile, no one will be able to talk about I Know Who Killed Me without also mentioning Lindsay's arrest. And who's really gonna give Lisa some love in The Simpons Movie?

In their careers: Winner – Jones. Oscar winner. Married to celebrity royalty. Shattered the conceptions of the American Celebrity spokesperson (which just 5 years ago was a big no-no and only for has-beens.) And while all of her films aren't classics by any stretch, she never makes terrible movies. Only occasionally disappointing ones. Oh, and she's showing no signs of slowing down. Lohan on the other hand, is extremely talented, but can't put the bottle and straw down long enough to keep from imploding – something people are already tiring of. And lastly, Lisa, poor Lisa. Animated films made from television series are usually the death knell of them. She might end up doing Butterfinger commercials for the rest of her life.

In my heart of hearts: Winner – Simpson. She's the smartest, the funniest and darnit people sure like her. I know I do. She's an ultra-liberal, earth loving, vegetarian, holier-than-thou genius with an overdeveloped sense of self. In other words, pretty much just like all of my friends here in Austin. I gotta go with Lisa. It was a close call with Jones. But Lindsay? Oh, Lindsay…

Winner – Jones. Her movie is going to surprise a lot of folks and plays to a very neglected female market right now. Her film will be this year's The Devil Wears Prada. And it's all Jones. This is HER movie.

C. Robert Cargill - - - Email Me


Austin-based Cargill, who not only loves but owns The Cutting Edge, writes on movies and DVD five times a week.