Hey Paula, Take a Lesson from Paris

Wow. It's, like, so hard being Paula Abdul. I had no idea! Thank goodness we have Hey Paula to show us all what a difficult life she really leads.

Is my sarcasm too over the top? Sorry. I can't help it. I tuned in to Abdul's new show on Bravo Thursday night hoping for a candid behind-the-scenes look at the American Idol judge, a humorous examination of her life when the camera's red light goes out. Perhaps even something juicy or downright scandalous about her personal life.

Nope.

Instead all I (we) got was a well-orchestrated if not totally scripted performance. A weak effort to entertain. Nothing more, really, than an advertisement for "Paula."

The show is basically pointless, which, in and of itself, isn't a terrible thing. There have been plenty of "pointless" celebrity reality shows, including pioneers such as The Osbournes and Newlyweds: Nick & Jessica, or even like the current show, The Girls Next Door.

The big difference is that those shows are interesting. You see, it turns out that, beyond American Idol, Paula Abdul doesn't really lead an interesting life. She just thinks she does.

Unfortunately, watching her get her hair and makeup done by an uninspiring entourage is not exactly riveting television. Plus, it's obvious that everything is completely planned. There are no truly awkward moments captured on tape, minus a few stumbles and bumping her head on a car door. (And I'm not even convinced those weren't planned.)

There isn't even a "train wreck" element like we enjoyed in The Anna Nicole Show or Being Bobby Brown.

About the only true and spontaneous part of the show seems to be her whining, like about what dress and borrowed jewelry she should wear to the Oscars. Or how she had to wear jeans on the airplane instead of sweat pants.

Oh Paula, your life is soooo tough.

Haven't we learned anything from the whole Paris Hilton fiasco? America loves celebrities, but not when they start complaining about how difficult it is to be rich and famous.

Let's be honest. A lot of people (myself included) probably watched Hey Paula hoping to spot some clue that she might have a drug or alcohol problem to explain some of her... well... quirky behavior in the past.

Nothin' doin'! The minute she mentioned her upcoming movie version of the Bratz dolls, I knew this was just a glorified commercial, a seven episode infomercial.

But Paula is one of the producers of the show, so what do I really expect anyway?

Hey Paula, I don't think I'm going to watch anymore.

Ethan Morris: "Not always right, but never in doubt." Go ahead and write me.