Replacing Rosie

A Rosie by some other name will smell just as sweet. At least, that's what ABC is hoping.

Following Rosie O'Donnell's departure from The View, ABC is scrambling to find a successor equally as bitchy and sardonic... er, I mean... as edgy and sarcastic as RO'D.

Ever since joining the cast in the wake of Meredith Viera's defection to the Today Show, Rosie has taken The View from a news reporting program to a news-making show -- most notably through her very nasty and public battles with Donald Trump.

(I think they're secretly in love. What do you think?)

Then suddenly, Rosie said she'd be taking off -- and departed even sooner than anticipated after an on-air fight with co-host Elizabeth Hasselbeck over the war in Iraq. (The two are patching things up now. Awww, isn't that special?)

So now Rosie's gone, leaving some very big and loud shoes to fill. Among the names being batted around to replace her: Whoopi Goldberg, Bette Midler and Roseanne Barr.

Bette won't get it. She and Joy Behar would look too much like twins. Plus, isn't Bette taking over for Celine in Vegas? Whoopi has a shot, but the odds-on favorite is Roseanne -- who has openly expressed interest in the job. Hmmmm. A nasally-sounding, overweight, bitter white woman. That'll sure be different.

(Okay, that's not fair! Roseanne isn't overweight anymore.)

Kathy Griffin and Wanda Sykes are two other names being batted around. Personally, I don't think Kathy Griffin is nearly as funny as she thinks she is. But Wanda Sykes would be a frickin' hoot. She is funny as hell.

Some articles I've read suggest that Barbara WaWa and The View producers will be looking for someone they can keep on a tight leash after a tumultuous year dealing with Rosie. But I doubt it. Like her or not, Rosie raised ratings and turned a watercooler-topic talk show into the topic at the watercooler time and time again.

So good luck ABC. Replacing Rosie won't be easy. Where can you find someone as outspoken, bossy, bitter, angry and frequently-nutsy? Wait... is Ann Coulter busy?

Ethan Morris: "Not always right, but never in doubt." Go ahead and write me.