Who's Up/Who's Down: The Coen Brothers, Lindsay Lohan

UP: The Coen Brothers

Tragedy has been averted! The Coen Brothers' new film, No Country for Old Men, debuted at the Cannes Film Festival last week and the raves have been pouring in since (even everyone's favorite Roger chimed in). But that's not why they're "Up" this week. See, more than a few circles of festival goers considered the film to be a favorite for the Palm d'Or (the festival's big enchilada prize). When word of this hit me I was sent into a deep state of sadness. For those of you who don't parlez-vous francais, Palm d'Or is French for "The Seventh Level of Box Office Hell" (if you don't believe me, look it up).

Now every once in a while, a Palm d'Or winner survives, pulls one over on the public and becomes a hit. In fact, count Fahrenheit 9/11 and The Pianist as the only sneaky Cannes winners in the last ten years to bank more than forty dollars domestic (if you don't believe me, look it up).

Now I'm always pulling for the Coen Brothers. I own all of their movies, including past Palm d'Or winner Barton Fink (which, naturally, nobody paid to see in the U.S.). Winning the Palm d'Or this year might as well have been a death sentence and I don't wish that upon anybody -- except, maybe, the parents of this kid.

DOWN: Lindsay Lohan

Everyone's favorite non-coke-head (we swear) is back and better than ever! Take one party-loving young diva, a brief stint in rehab, one Mercedes SL 65 AMB (black), throw in 5:30 a.m. (you know, when good things happen), and a sidewalk curb that appeared out of nowhere. Place in a mixer. Now pour in the vodka and ice. Shake.

Mmmmm-Mmmmmmm! I call it the Lohan (and yes, it's copyrighted).

Lindsay is fresh off the box office dud, non-Palm d'Or winner Georgia Rule, and needs to seriously repair her image. Her next movie is called I Know Who Killed Me and she plays a stripper. Now that sounds like just the ticket!

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Dre writes three times a week for Film.com, covering Movies and DVD with his Floridian flare. E-mail him!