Sooo, whadja do this weekend? I'm pretty sure you didn't go to the movies. I'm pretty sure no one did. We just finished the least-attended end-of-April weekend in a decade, according to Box Office Mojo -- ouch. Why, it's almost as if everyone took my advice on Friday to just stay home.
Oh my goodness, but the numbers are embarrassing. Disturbia clung to the top spot with a pathetic $9.1 million, which is less than Alec Baldwin is spending on PR at the moment. It's a terrible movie ... but only in comparison to the rest of the junk out there at the moment. Teen horror -- take that phrase as you like -- was at No. 2, too: The Invisible shook a dirty paper coffee cup in our faces, and some people felt sorry enough for it that it scraped up $7.6 million.
But the real nonstory is the nonstart of Next. Now, don't get me wrong, this is destined to be showing up on 10-worst lists come December, but what Laremy said on Friday should have been right:
A free opening weekend crown for you, Nic, you're skating by on the strength of your prior work
And he called for it to pull in $11.4 million in the No. 1 slot. What actually happened? $7.2 mill for No. 3. That's less than Cage is spending on his awful hairpieces, and it could be a signal -- hallelujah! -- that the era of Cage's inexplicable drawing power has ended. You don't need to be able to predict the future to have seen that one coming eventually.
What happened, apart from the choices at the multiplex simply not being worth the trip? I think we're all -- the studios and the audience alike -- holding our breath, waiting for the summer-movie onslaught to begin. It starts on Friday, with Spider-Man 3, and it feels like it will continue unabated through early August: Pirates, Harry, Simpsons, Shrek, Die Hard, Transformers, Bourne. I'm exhausted -- in the best possible way, of course -- just thinking about it. Maybe everyone else was too, this weekend, and decided to rest up.
(Box office numbers via Box Office Mojo.)-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
MaryAnn Johanson (email me)
reviews, reviews, reviews! at FlickFilosopher.com