American Idol Recap


Sorry, just wanted to be Ryan Seacrest for a fleeting moment.

Guess who's judging tonight? Randy, Simon, and Paula. Sigh, I want Jewel back. Also, after seeing that Cowell makes $30 million for Idol and that all the ribbing between Simon and Ryan is all in good fun, I'm bitter. If that guy is pulling down 30 large he better be in a hostile work environment. I'm just saying.

The theme is "British Invasion," whatever that means. Some gal named Lulu is here to help out. I'm just not sure how you go from Diana Ross to Lulu. Methinks one of these things is not like the other.

Haley Scarnato leads us off with "Tell Him." She's not terrible, she's just not Idol quality. I miss Justin Guarini. Haley will be getting the boot soon, which will make the show a bit less interesting. Simon always needs someone to pick on to make the show tick. The good news is Randy loved her. Simon mentioned she looks great, but he really meant it in a pleasant, sultry way. So overall I don't think she's doomed herself just yet, especially when Sanjaya will be forced to sing with a noose around his neck this evening. I know, I know, I was freaked out by that decision too.

Chris Richardson sings "Don't Let the Sun Get You Crying." Oddly people clap after he sings the first line. He's also got a guitarist on stage and the big screen behind him is showing the guitar being played. I'm completely lost. Has Idol gone high concept? Ah well, the judges liked it well enough. Who am I to blow against the wind?

Stephanie decides upon "You Don't Have to Say You Love Me." Even Lulu says she's Beyonce! It's official folks, someone call Jay-Z and tell him to move all his stuff into her place. The performance was sort of blah, and Randy calls her out on not being on pitch. Paula says she looked great, which is Paula speak for "wretched awful."

Blake (the Seattle native) is going to sing "Time of the Season." Oh, no, he's remixed this one too. The problem with this beatboxing thing is that he's now really supposed to be singing for his life; not making sound effects. This song is also exposing his vocal range a bit. Let's go to the judges! Nope, they loved him and he'll be back next week. I’m clearly not in synch with the judging tonight -- either that or I’m subconsciously gunning for Simon’s spot.

Lakisha gets major help from Lulu, which she chooses to ignore. She instead sings "Diamonds Are Forever." Simon mentions the song makes Lakisha seem very old, and I'd have to agree with him. She can still really sing and is able to hit notes that most could only dream of, so I'd say we'll be seeing plenty more of her.

Phil is singing "Tobacco Road." I'm not sure why none of the British songs sound remotely British, and I'm also not sure why I haven't heard of some of them. Was the so-called invasion a failure? I really liked Phil's performance tonight, and Randy and Paula are with me (though they both call him pitchy too). Simon didn't love him and worries for his future! That's like the doctor saying he needs you to come in for a "serious" conversation.

Jordin is excited to be here! She's singing "I Who Have Nothing," again with a song that I've never heard of. Lulu thinks Jordin has a great chance of making the finale. I wouldn't go placing that bet yet, guys. Jordin does awesome, though, easily the best performance of the evening. Randy and Paula agree with me too, but Simon says he was depressed. I actually think he means that she was effective because it was a sad song. I think. Hopefully.

Sanjaya!!! Peter mentions he doesn't have a lot of "experience" which means "not so hot with the notes portion of singing." For some strange reason the producers think panning to a 12-year-old girl crying while Sanjaya sings is the way to go. I should mention these aren't the sort of tears one gets when meeting their hero, they're more the sort of tears one gets while being shot in the calf. Sanjaya performs pretty well, but they keep showing the little girl, which makes paying attention to the song almost impossible. Randy and Paula give kudos and the producers don't even let Simon speak this time before hitting the Ryan cue music. Did Sanjaya hire the little girl to distract America? We'll find out tomorrow.

Gina Glockson (the double G) is up next. It's hard not to pull for her. She's attempting the first real British song (in my opinion), "Paint It Black." It's a great song that she doesn't fully pull off. I guess Idol isn't really the place for nonconformity. Randy and Simon both ding her, rightfully so. Could she be in a little trouble? It think so, she doesn't appeal to the Idol demographic.

Chris Sligh is performing "She's Not There," and Peter tells him he needs to "figure out what the song means" to perform it best. Well, the song is about drugs. Hopefully Chris will tap into that. Chris' family has a sign that says "Bringing Chubby Back!" How cool is that? I sincerely hope they accomplish that noble goal. Randy says it ended well, Paula liked the vocals, and Simon says he "did his thing." Side note: Chris realized it was a song about drugs based on his comments. Good on ya!

Melinda will take us home and she mentions in the intro that the song is outside her comfort zone. How will this play out? My wife mentions that Melinda doesn't have a neck. Hmmm, could we get a ruling on this? She's great, as per normal, and all of the judges continue to laud her.

We’ll see tomorrow how this all plays out. If I had a slingshot to my head I’d say Phil is a goner. See you then.

------------------------------------------------, where sadly I never mention American Idol.