Prepping For A Date At The Grindhouse

With my main man, Brad, reporting that Grindhouse, the new double-feature from Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino (Rod-Tino?), will have a running time of over three hours, I thought it was high time I get familiarized with this whole "grindhouse" genre. What the heck is a grindhouse movie? Let's go to the ultimate source and see what the film's original trailer says:

grindhouse (n): A theater playing back-to-back films exploiting sex, violence, and other extreme matter.

I must admit, I'm intrigued by "other extreme matter." What can that mean? The answer is anything ... so long as it's extreme. Anyway, I crossed the globe, searching high and low for some classic grindhouse films to see what exactly we're dealing with here. I came across the following titles, all which I've since ordered for viewing before the next Rod-Tino masterwork.

I Spit On Your Grave
This is the light-hearted tale of a woman who gets raped (twice) by a group of men and spends the rest of the movie hunting them down and killing them. It received an X rating when first released. There's all kinds of fun, graphic deaths in this one, like disembowelment and castration. That's right, fun for the whole fam!

Last House On The Left
Here's an early Wes Craven movie about a bunch of killers who murder a pair of teenage kids and unwittingly take shelter with the victims' parents. When the parents find out what happened to their kids, they turn from nice, hospitable hosts to revenge-bent torturers. Sounds like my last stay in Jersey. Any chance these folks are running a joint with the name "Holiday" in it?

Bone
Yaphet Kotto stars as a thief who breaks into a Beverly Hills couple's home, and things go downhill from there. The couple is wacky, unhappy and a lot less wealthy than he was betting on. Oh, and he's a serial rapist.

I don't know about you guys, but I'm exhausted just reading up on these things. Three hours? Really? Yeesh. I should be receiving these little discs of dynamite any day now, just in time to meet the rest of you at the Grindhouse.